Welcome Cambria Mae

She's here! It's not really news so much any more considering she is twelve days old now, but my goodness she is really here! It's still hard to believe that after nine long months I am now holding my baby girl who was once the size of a pea.

Cambria was born just 4 minutes after her due date at 12:04 am on July 20th. She weighed in at 7 lbs. 10 oz. and was 19 inches long.

The week of her arrival was certainly a fun week. I had taken my maternity leave at the beginning of the week, so I was busying myself with a list of household tasks to take my mind off the excitement of her arrival. I made a giant list of to-do's and I probably got through about half of them...maybe.

We had our false alarm on Monday, the 16th, where we went into the hospital with what I can only understand now as Braxton Hicks or some form of mild contractions. I kept finding it quite frustrating hearing the same thing over and over...when you have a contraction YOU'LL KNOW. It's similar to when you're single and married people always say...when you find the right one for you...YOU'LL KNOW. It's irritating being on the unknowing side, especially with the knowers frolicking their irritating knowingness in front of you. But, alas, they're right. Now that I'm a knower about such things as contractions and labor, I KNOW. Oh man, there's nothing like them. I feel so silly about how on Monday I thought that perhaps this could be it. Hah, what a fool. A fool! It reminds me of Phoebe (from Friends) when she has one contraction and then looks down and says, "Oh, I was hoping that was it." Yeah, there's a reason why the pain scale for women is measured by zero being no pain and 10 being the worst pain of your life (a.k.a. labor).

I had my first contraction at 3pm on Thursday and I was at home chilling with my daughter, Lamaya. I remember thinking that this is probably the start of things, but who knows how long this pre-labor period will last. I had heard it could be endless hours of laboring at home before you need to head to the hospital. That was the plan, anyhow. So, I didn't jump when I had my first contraction. After having my second and third contraction in less than an hour, I decided it might be a good idea to get backup to care for Lamaya since that wasn't a possibility while bearing down on the side of the couch in pain. My mom came to my rescue and she didn't have to do much else but look at me to know... this was the real deal. No dress rehearsal this time. I texted Tim alerting him to my condition and said that there was no need to come home since the contractions were still 20 minutes apart. I had to call him back just 30 minutes later and say, "Hun, you need to come home now. They are about 8 minutes apart and getting closer and closer each time. I think we need to go to the hospital like...now." Of course he came right on home.

After arriving at the hospital, they sent us walking for an hour. Longest hour of my life. Contractions were coming at me like waves--one right on the heels of the last. After checking back in with my midwife it was clear I was in active labor and it was time to get us into a room.

I was so excited and anxious to get into the water birthing tub. Somehow I knew the moment I got in the tub the release of the weight of what seemed to be the entire world on my shoulders would be lifted. It took a little over an hour to make it to the room due to so many contractions coming and the need to stop and hold on to the hand rails. Once we made it to the room, I had to wait just outside while they finished preparing the tub and there are a few memories etched in my memory. First, I remember my toenail polish matching my cushy flip flops. I remember when my mom arrived. I remember my midwife being very calming and helping me release each contraction as it passed. I remember a great boom of thunder from the thunderstorm going on outside. And I remember the song "How Great Thou Art" performed by Chris Thile playing and everything inside me acknowledging that God is great and He is kind and most importantly He was going to be with me through every breath. I remember that being the moment where I realized this would be the hardest thing, at least physically, that I would ever go through and that with His strength I could do it. It was a peace that washed over me.

The music came from our room where Tim had set up the music right away. Everything else we brought with us could wait, but the music was needed right away. That is my husband knowing his wife well. :)

Laboring was difficult, to say the least. Laboring in the tub was magnificent. I cannot imagine laboring in a bed. Yes, I was able to get through the entire 9 hours (yes, I know this is a short amount of time to labor, praise Jesus!) without any medication. I wasn't out to prove anything. I simply knew that my body was designed to bring a child into the world and I trusted it.

Ummm was it all magic and fairy tales? No. It was the worst imaginable pain and there were plenty of times I told Tim that I couldn't do it. But I got through, we all did. There are really two moments that I'll never forget during the time of pushing. The first was turning to Tim and saying that I couldn't do it. I couldn't go on. My midwife said, "Ashley, I want you to reach down and feel her head." Once I did that, there was nothing I couldn't do. A serious bonfire was lit under me and I gave it everything I had and everything I didn't have to get her here. The second was once the majority of Cambria was delivered, my midwife asked me to reach down and pull her up to my chest. It was an unreal moment. I was witnessing and experiencing life from my own body being brought to my heart. It was a breathtaking moment.

So, for anyone considering a water birth, I can't help but give my wholehearted approval and recommendation. It was fantastic. The warmth relaxed me, the water allowed me to just focus on my breathing and nothing else. I would absolutely do it again.

Now, there are a few things I'd like to get off my chest about labor and delivery. I was never told about the after pain. I expected that once the placenta delivered I'd be in my blissful state of my baby is here and life is good and now I can rest.

Ummm no. I remained in a significant amount of pain afterwards. Thankfully there was no tearing (due largely in-part to the water keeping me relaxed), but there was still plenty of pain. No one told me about this. The pain continued on, with contractions included, for several hours afterwards. Since I was all-natural, I think they assumed I was part-hippie, which meant I didn't want any big-time drugs. I finally all but took the collar of my nurse and said ibuprofen ain't gonna cut it sweetheart. Give me the narcotics. :) That, at least, took off the edge.

I'd also like to point out that breastfeeding is very difficult and anybody who tells you it shouldn't hurt or won't hurt is wrong. It hurts, so just accept it. However, there is magical product that has spared me endless amounts of pain... it's called a nipple shield. Probably a little TMI for you all, but trust me ladies... it's a God-send.

Well, all I can say to wrap this up is... I am in love with my little Cambria. She is my little sweet pea and I just adore her. Having two beautiful daughters that I adore and love so much is just the most tremendous blessing I could have asked for. I'm so thankful for my family and all that God has blessed us with in just 9 short months. Zero to two. What an amazing thing.

It's a miracle I was able to write this blog in one sitting! Lamaya is hanging with grandpa and Cambria is zonked next to me. Time to feed everybody, so I better go! Thanks for following our journey. Now onto blogging about straight-up mommyhood. Oh me, oh my. The next leg of this journey is sure to be a doozie!


Love, AA

Natural Baby! Yeah!

It's Friday and it's pouring, so why not blog a little bit? I'd love to give you all an update on the pregnancy, since there's a strong possibility I won't be posting much (or anything) between now and when littlest Ainley arrives.

I'm just over 34 weeks pregnant now, so you know, feeling akin to a whale with each passing day. Someone posted on my facebook not too long ago that elephants are pregnant for something like two years before giving birth. Two years!? Although I may feel elephant-like, I'm sure glad I am not a literal elephant.

I have entered the glorious phase I'd like to summate as..."Get this baby outta me!" Another friend posted that she is convinced the ninth month of pregnancy is purely to give you all the motivation you need to go into labor. Because nothing could be worse than staying pregnant. Now, being pregnant has been a lot of fun. I really enjoyed the middle months where I sported the baby bump, could sleep soundly for 10+ hours a night, could easily tie my own shoes and could eat anything without the threat of dragon breath escaping my lungs (some might call this heartburn). However, now in the later months I can't help but think now's about a great time to get this show on the road.

Am I ready to handle two baby girls at home? Um, let's stick with a resounding "no." However, I love every minute I have with my babycakes, Lamaya, and I know I'm going to feel the same way about #2 (who shall remain nameless until birth...Mom!)

Last I talked with many of you, I had fairly concrete plans to head to the hospital, get my epidural on and go from there. Well, plans have changed a bit. Tim and I went to the labor and delivery birthing class a few months back and my eyes were opened to the world of natural child birth. Let me preface this by saying that NO, I am not converting to a hippy, NO I did not purchase stock in Birkenstocks, NO I am not going to begin wearing peace-sign attire like it's an extension of my identity, and NO I am not joining the Occupy "movement." I am, however, going to move forward with a water birth at PeaceHealth (SW Hospital).

Tim and I attended the birth class last night and I'm very excited about how the water will create an excellent environment for the birth. I hopped in the bath the other day, desperate for anything to relieve this back pain that can best be described as a cattle prod near the left base of my spine. As I laid there in our midget-sized tub–seriously, I don't think it's right to call it a "tub" when it can't even hardly fit a fairly petite woman! So, perhaps I'll refer to it as a water basin instead–so, like I was saying....I was laying there in our water-basin and, although I couldn't get myself to float, I was able to feel pressure release from the weight of my belly. It was marvelous! That pretty much sealed the deal for me. I mean, why not keep a whale in its natural habitat!? Bring on the water!

If any of you have any questions about water birth, I'd refer you to a midwife. I'm probably not the best person to ask until after I've had the experience. All I know is that I am pumped and ready for it. There are many studies that show the increased benefits of a water birth and water birth, specifically in a hospital, has no additional risks than a "land-birth" does. Land birth, meaning on a bed. Don't take it from me, though, really check it out. I will say I could have done without the informational videos they showed us at the class. Full on nudity put to music was more than I could take. Especially when Pachelbel's Canon in D began to play. I mean, that's the song I walked down the aisle to. Nothing like ruining a perfect memory. Now that song will be clouded with...well, you can imagine.

So, onward with the water birth (all-natural)!

PS - I want to point out that there is no elitism in natural birth vs. not natural. If you want to get an epidural, go right ahead. By my choice in natural child birth, I do not think myself as stronger or tougher than anybody else. Every birth is different and this is the experience I've chosen for mine.Well, anyway, I'm going to keep this short because my baby girl is here and I want to go see her (and Tim too!).

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and let's hope that summer actually remembers what it's supposed to be like. This rain is the pits!

AA

Adoption - Day 639

Yep, it is officially day 639 of our adoption process and today is a very special day. Why, you ask? Today is the final day of the adoption process for us as a family. The very last day! Granted adoption and the process of raising our beautiful baby girl will go on forever, but the process of completing the adoption is finally reaching its end.

 Today we will go to the county courthouse in downtown Vancouver and have the final papers signed, making Lamaya 100% ours in every way. Yes, she was already hand-picked to be ours long before even time began, but not necessarily according to the state of Washington. So, today marks the end of the seemingly endless paperwork and endless checks for this fee and that fee. It feels so nice to be done!

The adoption process, what can I say about it? For anyone considering it, I suppose the best advice I can offer is to prepare yourself to be patient and to always expect the unexpected. Yeah, right, it's just that simple. Tell that to me way back in July of 2010 when we first started and I wouldn't have a clue as to what that really means. Now that we have gone through the heartbreak and the unspeakable joy of adoption, I can honestly say that, yes, we would do it again. NO, not anytime soon. Geez, am I some kind of baby factory here? Two in under 9 months is plenty for me thank you very much.

Adopting Lamaya is the best thing that we have ever done, absolutely no question. She has been worth every tear, every single page of relentless paperwork, every single day of the last 639 days, every penny (and THEN some) and every bit of struggle we encountered. She is a precious gift and we are blessed to be called her mom and dad.

I'd say that probably the number one obstacle when a couple begins considering adoption is the financial burden. Let me be the first to tell you that if adopting is God's plan for your life, I can give you a 100% guarantee He will provide for you in miraculous ways that will increase your faith and understanding of His generosity and love. That's not to say raising the $25,000 was a piece of cake. It is to say, however, that we took out $0 in loaned money from the bank to make this possible. We were gifted money left and right by friends and family who just wanted to bless us in the process. We received money through the most random ways like our car accident settlement claims (super strange) and a massive garage sale (raked in just over $2,000). It was easy in the beginning to feel a little discouraged. That $25,000 mark seems awfully daunting. Once we hit $10,000 we looked at each other thinking... maybe this is possible after all!? And it was. I am very happy, honored and THANKFUL to say that as of today–the 639th and final day of adoption–we will be short a total of $19 and, NO, we didn't take out a loan for those $19. :) God is so good and so faithful to us and if you contributed in some way to this process, I wish we could properly express our gratitude. Hopefully you have had the chance, or will have the chance, to hold this amazing little munchkin in your arms and her smile or tootsie roll arms are enough to thank you for your generosity. And to thank you for help making bringing her home to us a reality.

We are thrilled about this day. It means so many things. It means the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. It means that we can FINALLY file our taxes, which is always a good thing. It means that we can focus on just simply being a family and not have to worry about legalities or paperwork. That we can finally just enjoy being us three (and Tucker too!), well at least for a few more months before it becomes us four!

So, thank you for following this journey of adoption. It's been a wild and unpredictable ride, filled with pain, frustration, love, peace, joy and endless blessings. I wouldn't change a thing about our journey, even the hard and painful parts. It was all part of bringing home our sweet little pumpkin, Lamaya Claire.


Love,

AA

Blogging, Yeah That's a Hobby Hit By Motherhood

It's been a long time. I am going to go ahead and blame my lack of blogging on the combo new baby + being pregnant. A killer combination I must say. It's been an adventure thus far.

I finally made is past the fatigue the had been stalking me daily. By about 2:30 each day my body would say... so, about that nap? Since I'm working full-time, naps aren't really a possibility. Thankfully, I have a rock star family to help me out. I have a husband who gets up with Lamaya once each night to feed her and I have parents who love to care for her and so they make up the majority of her daytime care. I'm awfully lucky and I am sure thankful.

I woke up this morning and said, "Okay, I'm feeling really pregnant now." When looking down I notice that I can no longer see my toes. My belly has officially outgrown my toe-view. A pretty big milestone!

I realize that I should be blogging because I have this rare opportunity to chronicle the joys and hardships of being pregnant and also having a new baby girl. I'd venture to say less than 1% of women will have this experience, primarily because it's not humanly possible just from a natural standpoint. The only way this scenario would present itself is in the event of adoption. Contrary to "popular" belief, it is NOT common for women who struggle with fertility to magically become pregnant once they adopt. This has been a bit of a touchy subject for me as of late. It's possible you have a friend, aunt or grandmother that this type of thing happened to, but the truth remains... between 3% - 10% of women who struggle with infertility ever become pregnant after adopting a child. Since I've brought it up, let me clear the air:

A while back I posted a Facebook update that mentioned my general frustration for the comment I seemed to hear 9 times out of 10 (no joke, I seriously heard this 3 times just this weekend) in reaction to the news of our double-blessing,"Oh wow! Doesn't that just always happen!? I have a friend that this happened to. So cool!" Now, I know everyone's intention is simply coming from a human need that always looks for a way to relate in a conversation. No one likes to respond to someone's good news that is also highly unusual with a..."Oh wow, that's crazy, I have no idea what that's like or what you could possibly be feeling right now, but good going on it!" It's who we are. We are human and, thus, relatable. So, I understand the immediate need to jump to a relatable circumstance. However, the way this translates to me is more like this: "Oh wow! How very ordinary this thing that has happened to you! You are JUST like everybody else who adopts and wants to also have biological children!"

So, you know, it's just about my least favorite sentiment to respond to. I still haven't figured out how to properly respond to that. But anyway...

Spring is around the corner and I honestly can't wait! I am anxious to get out into my miniature garden this year and plant some herbs and veggies. My rhubarb from last year is already rip, roaring and ready to go. Brand new leaves have already started growing and I'm excited to actually eat it this year.

I figure spring will be my last hurrah to do any kind of bending over. It has become increasingly more difficult. My shoe-tying days are numbered. Pretty soon I'll just go ahead and lay down if I want to try and pick something off the ground. Maybe I should invest in one of those garbage pickers that I see workers with on the side of the road. That way I can pick up clothes, shoes, grocery items and other things from the floor without having to test my body's new equilibrium with the "simple" task of bending over. I wonder what the weight limit is on those? Could I pick up Tucker? I'd be interested to find out.

Just holding Lamaya has become a bit more challenging. I have started holding her on my "hip" (not so much a hip these days, more like and orb in my hip region), which has been better than trying to hold her on my front. I remember thinking how great it would be once she had a little shelf to sit on, but as it turns out, it's not so great. It feels like I got the wind knocked out of me a few minutes prior every time I put pressure on my upper belly. Belly... such a weird word and yet, totally appropriate within the realm of pregnancy. I would never refer to my mid-section as my "belly" non-pregnant.

I'm certainly enjoying both mommyhood and pregnancy much more these days. The up-all-night + 1st trimester exhaustion combination was LOADS of fun, so, you know, I sure do miss that (not even a little bit), but this 2nd trimester + Lamaya sleeping much better and being full of personality is WAY more fun!

If I could describe Lamaya, I suppose I'd say she's a little more on the serious side. She is very inquisitive and seems to be in a constant state of taking it all in. She's generally happy, though. We can really get her giggling with some sounds and tickling. Her giggle is just about the best sound...nope, it is definitely the best sound I've ever heard. I love it. She is definitely the apple of my eye. I keep thinking I couldn't love her any more than I do now, but we all know how that goes. I look back at two weeks ago and think, yeah right. I love her so much more now than I did just yesterday! I actually understand what Rachel Green (Friends) means when she says she misses Emma while she's sleeping. And, no, I learned from Phoebe and I have never wakened my sleeping a baby just because I miss her. :)

Well, as you might expect, I need to use the bathroom. I've reached my 30-minute interval. This little munchkin inside likes to do the jig on my bladder to serve as my reminder that, ehem, you need to use the restroom. Thanks for the reminder munchkin. Dance away, just please don't dance on my spine or my ribs. I'd love to keep those in tact if at all possible. You'll have your hay-day with my body come July.

AA

Six Week Milestone...Waaaaaa!!!

Well it's Monday, which means I just finished up my ninth week of pregnancy and I'm settling into my tenth week. I don't want to jinx anything, but it's possible the morning sickness portion may be getting better. Today has been a pretty tolerable day. I don't want to simultaneously scarf a pizza and throw it up, so I think that's a pretty good sign!

This morning sickness is for the birds. No, I haven't had the violent vomiting–thank goodness–but I have had this combination of always being hungry and always be nauseous. And the scale tips closer the the nausea side the more hungry I get. It's an endless battle and one I have taken upon myself to whine and mope about to my husband daily. I'm sure he's tired of my moaning, but I feel that since I'm the one with the baby growing in me and the birth to look forward to, while he just gets to kick back and be daddy-o with not so much as a mere broken finger or two during labor, I get the right to whine if I want to! :)

I've determined, after my highly scientific study, that there is a distinct reason why God designed it so that you could not both be pregnant and have a newborn naturally. The smells of Desitin and formula might as well be sewage or moldy cabbage. Even certain lotions must be avoided or I get the gag reflex working. I find myself in the middle of the night burping Lamaya while also leaning away trying to find my happy place to keep the room and my stomach from spinning. Oh, what an adventure!

Heading into my 10th week also means that Lamaya is six weeks old now. My little girl is almost all grown up. Before I know it we will be picking out a prom dress, locking her up in her room to prevent any males from seeing her beautiful little face until she is at least 35, graduating high school, walking her down the aisle.... I need a tissue. Okay, so maybe I have just a wee bit of time until then, but it sure seems crazy to me that she is already six weeks.

The funny, or not so funny, thing about six weeks is that Lamaya's pediatrician made sure to clue me in on a little milestone we will hit at this stage. It's called the, "Every six week baby cries, on average, three hours per day." Oh yes, and like clockwork, she is dusting off those lungs and whaling like it's going out of style. And, like everything else, she is above average with this milestone. Last night was our first treat into the six week milestone. Every half hour she wanted to make sure we were still in the house, or at least within earshot–so, basically, within a 5-mile radius. I took the late night shift, which ended around 2 am and didn't sleep but maybe 45 minutes. Tim took the early morning shift, which ramped up shortly after mine ended and he was up nearly every 30 minutes. I got to thinking that maybe she just wants us to exercise with all this getting up and down. I'd prefer she focus her efforts during the daytime, but it's awfully sweet of her to be thinking about our health.

And boy does that baby girl got some l-u-n-g-s on her. Sure, she has cried here and there since we picked her up, but not the kind that I can hear through floor upstairs while Tim is rocking her and trying to calm her. I swear I felt the floor shake a little.

So, you know, we are trying to learn new ways to comfort her. The old go-to's are SO last week to her now. This is some adventure we are on. I think, for Christmas, all I want is just a bag of magical sleep dust. Where I can sprinkle it over me and it's like I slept the whole night. That would be marvelous.

Keeping it real in mommyhood,

AA

Mommy Blog - Day 31

Well, the time has come.

We've kept this "under wraps" for as long as possible. And we have done one terrible job of it, so this probably isn't even news for many of you.

The night we were packing to pick up Lamaya I decided to take a test. Oh, yes, a test! Not the SAT test. Not a personality test. Not a "Which Disney Princess Are You?" test. A pregnancy test. And, wouldn't you know it....






I've heard the stories of bringing home your adopted baby and a few weeks or months later, badabing! But, I have not yet heard of the simultaneous babies business. Yes, we were and continue to freak out a bit. For those of you who are trying to calculate, welcome to the club. I've heard conflicting stories as to how far along I am, though I'm sure my ultrasound in a few weeks will help solve the mystery. My fertility specialist doctor has calculated me to be in my ninth week at this time. We were able to see the heartbeat on an internal ultrasound on December 2nd, which was SUCH a blessing. It meant that our pregnancy is a healthy one and our chances of miscarrying have dropped to less than 5%.

So, pretty amazing eh? I suppose I should have backed off a wee bit on the prayers for a baby. :) No, no, we are absolutely thrilled and it's so evident that this is exactly how God planned it and here's why:

Lamaya was born 4 weeks early. On the day we received the phone call that we had been matched, we had already had a discussion that morning about what we would do if we became pregnant. We had come to a decision that we would put our file on hold if we became pregnant and saw the heartbeat in an ultrasound. If we became pregnant and it was really early on–too early to see the heartbeat–we would keep our names on the adoption wait list.

So, if Lamaya had been born late, or even on time, we would have more than likely pulled our names from the wait list because we would have seen the heartbeat in an ultrasound. Talk about perfect timing! It makes this whole process very special to know that God is up there smiling down on us and blessing us left and right.

I am very excited to begin blogging about the joys (and hardships) of being both pregnant and having a newborn, but I really just wanted to get this bit of good news out there.

Nothing like going from zero children to two children in less than a year! They will be 8 1/2 months apart and likely in the same grade at school. How fun!

No, we're not having twins. Whew.

AA

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