Oh, this day

I'll skip right over the fact that it's been oh...nine months since my last post. Yep, it's been a while. Life has been a wee bit busy.

This day has come, once again. August 19th. As I look back on my post from August 19, 2011 and August 19, 2012, I am reminded of where I have come from and how greatly I am blessed. It was two years ago I felt the pieces of my heart slip through my fingers like little shards of glass. The day when the adoption of a baby girl was snatched from us in nothing but a moment to say, "she changed her mind."

It's hard thinking about this, really. Not hard in a painful way, but in a connected way. I never want to forget how much it hurt and how Jesus rescued me from spiraling into a deep sadness. I never want to forget how Christ was my compass as I ached for answers--how He still guides my path.

If I haven't said it enough before, it is Christ who saved me that August 19th, 2011. It was Christ who held my insides together when all I felt was as if I was spilling out everywhere all at once. Yes, Tim held me in his arms, but Christ mended me. He promised me hope. He promised me joy. He sang over me while my heart yearned for a little one I could hold and love and cherish. I had no idea then what tremendous blessing and beauty He had planned for our family.

It has been two years since that day and my, oh my.

Tonight I play with Lamaya on the kitchen floor. She has taken a liking to a tortilla warmer as her toy of choice tonight. She looks at Mama, waiting for her to watch her scoot scoot scoot across the floor. Now time for little baby doll to scoot scoot scoot. She is thrilled. She is giggling. She asks Mama to play the piggies game. And after her piggies have gone to market, enjoy roast beef, make a pit stop in Hawaii and St. Lucia, they come allllllllll the way home. Don't forget to do it again, she reminds me. One more trip for all the piggies.

I love my girls. I love them more than I'll ever be able to say. Sweet girl Cambria had her 12-month shots today and she wailed like I've never heard. I held her as she cried. Lamaya was so upset to see her sissy crying so hard that she decided to join in and cry too. All three of us girls left the doctor's office teary-eyed with sympathetic onlookers. I can't stand seeing my girls in pain, even if it's for a good thing.

Cambria is catching up to her sister. She's just two inches shorter and just one step behind her at all times. Nothing seems to stop her. She has the determination of a little lion. She takes no time to "test the waters." She sees, she does. We call her our little bulldozer sometimes because she tends to keep going going going. There really isn't any slow or cautious modes with Cambria. It's either full speed ahead or stop. I love her for it. She has so much spunk and so much zest for life. She is constantly moving and I often find her swaying back and forth when she thinks no one is looking. There is a song in that girl's heart, I just know it. I can't wait to hear it when she gets to singing.

Lamaya is our cautious and observant little girl. She drinks in life in big, long gulps. She is passionate about experiencing life to its fullest, but being very careful not to get hurt along the way. She sees a spider on the wall outside and, "OHHHHH," she says as she squats and points excitedly. Yes, baby. There's a spider on the wall. Isn't it funny looking? Five minutes later, she can still be found checking out the spider. She seeks to learn and know and discover everything she can about life and what God has given her. She's hilarious, of course. I must be too blessed to define her stage as "the terrible twos." She's not perfect, and there are plenty of fits along the way, but she's just so much fun. She makes me laugh. I think she is going to take over as the chief comedian in the family. She knows she is funny, too, which makes it all the more hilarious.

I suppose I could say endless things about what I love about our girls. Really, my favorite part about them is that they are two precious gifts given to us by God. I don't mean that lightly in the feel-good, nice-thing-to-say kind of way. I mean it literally. God designed this tapestry of our lives and we had no idea these two beautiful threads would be introduced. I can't imagine our lives without them. Being a mother to them has given me the tiniest glimpse into more of Christ's character. I think of how much I love my girls and I think, wow, my Savior loves his children. My love for my girls is but a mere fraction of how much my Jesus loves me. What an amazing gift I've been given to experience another beautiful facet of Christ's love for me.

So this day has come again. I had to blog, because I had to remember. I never want to forget what Jesus did for me that day and the days following. He saved me, as He does every day. I praise Him and give Him the glory for the beauty in my life. I am but a recipient. Any good in me is His work in me. I plead for our girls to know this love of Jesus and to embrace His love with their whole hearts. Our Savior is so good. I plead this prayer for our girls every day:

Father, would you please remove from their flesh their hearts of stone and give them new hearts of flesh. Circumcise their hearts so that they may love you. Give them your Spirit so they they may walk in your statutes. Grant them repentance and knowledge of the truth so that they may escape the snares of the enemy. Open up their hearts so that they may receive the Gospel. (Ezekiel 11:19, Deuteronomy 30:6, Ezekiel 36:27, 2 Timothy 2:25–26, Acts 16:14)

Thanks for stopping by to take a read. I'll do my best to post more frequently.

AA