Adoption - Day 240

Greetings all.

Well, we heard back from our adoption agency today regarding the mother who is pregnant with a baby girl and is due on April 25th. She chose another family just this week.

It's reasonable to say I'm disappointed and it's easy to allow the "Why not me" flurry of questions to swarm my thoughts, but when I got in the shower this morning, I kid you not, God gave me a gift of a song to encourage me. I was hoping to be able to share the song with my playlist, but it doesn't seem to be up on playlist.com. Here are some of the words:

"Before you let your circumstance tell you how the story ends. Know that His word says you can stand. He'll cover you with His grace. Everything you need is in your hands, so lift up your hands and sing... All things are working for me. Even things I can't see. Your ways are so beyond me. But you said that you would, let it be for my good. So I'll rest and just believe. The truth is He cannot lie, I'm in His hands and I'm on his mind, promised me He'd always be there, so by faith He will answer my prayer"

I tell you what. I sure don't see how this is going to pan out. I have no idea how long we will have to be patient. What I do know is that in moments when I feel disappointed, my faith with remain and I will trust that all things, all things are working for my good. So, if that means I'm going to need to be patient for a year, two years, I'll do it. Doesn't mean it won't hurt like crazy. It just means I won't have to go it alone.

I also really like this Rich Mullins song (I know, old school) that has a lyric that says "People say maybe things will get better. People say maybe it won't be long. People say maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be gone. I only know that maybe just ain't enough when you need something to hold on to. There's only one thing that is clear. I know there is bound to come some trouble to [my] life. But that ain't nothing to be afraid of. I know there's bound to come some tears in [my] eyes...just reach out to Jesus, hold on tight. He's been there before and He knows what it's like. [I'll] find He's there."

Yep. That's what I have to say today. Call me preachy, but in my pain and in this struggle and longing to become a mother, I cannot help but shout from the rooftops what keeps me optimistic, what keeps me going, what lifts me up.


On another note, there are some anti-abortion laws that are on the move. HALLELUJAH! (See news story here). I can't help but rejoice when the murder of innocent victims is re-evaluated by our government and progress is made to end thoughtless slaughter.

And...on another note. I got some fabric for the curtains in my bedroom. I am thrilled about them! I've posted photos below of what's to come. Now to sew them. :)

Sorry so heavy today, folks. Not my normal skippity doo dah self, I suppose.

I'm sure next time I will have a more upbeat post about SPRING! Because I love spring! More things to come.

AA

Adoption - Day 217

Whether you enjoy March Madness or the luck of the Irish, a very happy March to you!

An update is long overdue, but part of my hesitation is just that there isn't much to say. It would be dull to post weekly: "We're still waiting." So, today I bring some FUN and EXCITING news!

Since I knew a blog update was overdue, I fired off a, as my mom would say, "kick the can down the road" kind of email. I danced around the issue indecisively in my email, but what I really wanted to know was if our family book had been viewed by any mothers. The last time I checked in with her was in January and she had said 8-9 mothers were about ready to make their decision on a family. Of those 8-9 mothers, several of them have transitioned out of the program and have decided to parent their child, which is great news! I always have to celebrate when a mother decides to keep and love their child, even if that pushes out our "due date" further.

But beyond that, here was her response (get ready, because I was seriously so excited I nearly fell out of my chair with glee...yes, if you are wondering, my hopes are already up...so sue me)

From our rep at An Open Door (adoption agency):
"I just told a caseworker to show your book to birth mother expecting a baby girl on April 25th."

Wow. WOW! So, this blog has two-fold purpose. One purpose is to spread that tid-bit of fun news, keeping in mind that she could very well not choose us and that's completely fine, but if she does...oh man oh man. And two, I figure, why not call in the "troops" and start praying for this mother like ugly on an ape! Regardless if this mother chooses us, she has a big decision ahead of her in the coming week or two. So, I urge you, throw up a prayer for her right now! I mean... put down the sandwich, burger, celery, pie or twinkie and say a quick prayer!! Okay, don't do it if you are driving. And STOP READING THIS BLOG if you are driving. I know, I know...it's SO amazing you just can't wait to read it, but if you must read it at least safely pull over. (haha, oh what a funny image that brings to mind. I highly doubt people flock to their computers to read my little blurbs)

So, now that I've given the commission to prayer for this mother, I must tell you a little about how it feels. I think, at least for me, it gives just a little glimpse of the joy and excitement that will come when we get that actual phone call to say we have a mother who has selected us. Just a small little taste of the joy that comes when I envision holding a pregnancy stick with a "+" on it. I've had a few people tell me not to get my hopes up. Well, the truth is, why not? I'll be disappointed if we don't get select, for sure, but that I get to ride this wave of emotion is spectacular! It's the first time that the emotional connection has really been made to this process. All along I have felt passion, but never deep-belly, tingle-toes joy like I did when I thought about the possibility of April 25th. So, this has been special for me. I know it may be fleeting and may just be a little blessing I get to experience for just a few days, but boy am I thankful.

A gal in my small group at church said last night that her son was asking about a friend of hers who they had prayed would have a baby and now she was going to have one and her son said, "Mommy, did you and daddy pray for a baby, too?" And she responded, "Yes, honey, of course we did." And her son says,"Did you get one?" And she says, "Yes, honey we did." And he says..."What's the baby's name?" Of course she laughed but as soon as she told him that the baby's name was his name he lit up like a Christmas tree. That idea of being wanted, desired and anticipated just can't be beat. So, all I want to say in closing is that little baby Ainley, wherever you are, you are wanted, desired and highly anticipated. We just cannot wait until the day we get to hold you for the first time. It's breathtaking thinking about it.

Thanks for tuning into my blather about all things adoption and other random oddities. Having so many of you talk with me in person about things I have written in my blog really fills my heart with joy. It makes me realize that I'm not alone and that there are people out there who care about this journey. I so appreciate all the love and support we have received. It is certainly not lost on me.

As a quick aside, speaking of people "out there", I was looking at my blog's information and I noticed that I have a few views from China and Australia. If that's you, thanks for tuning in!

Gooday Mates & 再见,

Ashley


PS - I cut my hair (thanks to inspiration from my friend Kymmi!)