Adoption - Day 93

Boo!

I scared you, I know I did. Awww Halloween. My fifth favorite holiday of the year. That may not sound like much but the fifth spot is a very high place of honor. It's that last holiday I list before I whip out my other hand and move onto labor day, valentine's day, national tortilla chip day and national pecan day.

I love the fall, especially October, which is really the reason I haven't written a stitch this month. I've been soaking up the beautiful colors and festivities that fall has to offer. Things I love like reading, making headbands and cleaning my house to gospel music have been shifted to the back-burner while I delve into the wonderment that is fall. Like diving into a big pile of crunchy leaves you just raked up. What's not to love about fall? Crisp, foggy mornings, apples, rain boots, vivid colors, raindrops pounding the roof, pumpkin patches, birds flying south, pumpkin spice lattes, pulling out the warm duds from the attic, wearing a scarf for the first time in 6 months. Ohhh I just love it.

The only downfall about October is that it's followed by November. And November, for me, is when my absolute busiest (I mean crazy-busy) season ramps up at work. I usually start to feel it about the last week of October, and this year has been no exception.

Apart from work and my obsession with fall, there is just a few exciting things to update on the adoption front. The one thing that hasn't change is that, yes, we are still waiting on the FBI to process our fingerprints. This is week 10, so it should hopefully be in the next week or two that gets completed. But given the events of today's news and terror threats, I'm thinking our fingerprints may just fall to the bottom of the bin of importance.

But the exciting news is that we have been blessed immensely on the financial front. Coming into the adoption process we knew that it was going to take faith, patience and sacrifice to raise the mound of cash required to bring baby Ainley home. We've been blessed by some generous giving and we have also been pleasantly surprised by the random wads of cash God seems to sneak into our bank account completely out of the blue. Without going too much into the details, let's just say that we are 93 days in and we have raised just over 42% of the funds needed! It's incredible, absolutely incredible, to think as each day passes we receive more and more confirmation that this is exactly what God had in mind for us.

Now, we realize we still have quite a bit to go, but considering the pattern of things, we will keep moving forward, knees coiled, ready to jump for joy at the next blessing coming our way. We are ever so grateful for God's goodness throughout this process. I am especially thankful recently as I have had to dig in deep to discover God's love for me all over again as I battle with the self-doubts, depression and the grief of infertility. Each time I dig deeper, I'm never disappointed. God always meets me there and says, "It's okay. I understand. I know you're hurting and I know it's not fair, but you need to believe that I love every fiber of who you are and I created you just as you are. Now come into My embrace and let Me love you. Rest and be at peace as I work My perfect plan for you life. Trust me, you will be amazed."

So, I'm resting. It doesn't make the hard things easy, but with each wave of pain and grief is a sufficient dose of grace with a little side of blessing sauce to go with it. I'm resting in my big pile of crunchy fall leaves with my attic-scented scarf and pumpkin pie latte, as I soak in the beauty of this season and the beauty of God's plan He is weaving right before my very eyes.

Ciao!




















Photo Courtesy: Joanie Cahill

Adoption - Day 58

Note: I have updated our Paypal button to the right. Should be working now. Thanks!!

I suppose it is about time to give an update on the adoption process. I haven't had much to update about for the past month or so, primarily because we've simply been waiting for our fingerprints to come back. So here's where we are at:

We just had our second home-visit yesterday, which will be the final one until the post-placement. We are waiting on FBI fingerprints, as I mentioned, and the fingerprints have been in the FBI's hands for 5 weeks as of Tuesday (9/21). I called in to see if there was any update and all they could tell me is that the process time is 10-12 weeks and there isn't anything more to it than that. So, we're just about to the halfway point on waiting for the fingerprints to be returned. We should have the fingerprints back by the beginning of November.

We are also waiting on a few references and a few more paperwork items to be completed, which should be wrapped up in the next few weeks. We also have online courses to complete (10 total hours) of which we have finished 1 course (2 hours). We will finish those courses over the next month.

Once the fingerprints come back, our case worker, Mike, will do an official write-up of all the documents we have submitted and will send us about a 12-page document summarizing all of the information you could ever possibly want to know about us Ainleys. I'm sure it will be a riveting read. We then take a look, make any corrections, he makes the corrections, we give it one more once-over and then VOILE! The official home study is complete and will be submitted to the adoption agency (An Open Door).

I contacted our rep at the agency to answer a few more questions and nail down time frames. Once the home study is submitted, she accepts the application that same day, or within a few days. This then places us Ainleys on the waiting list. Yay!

We will be waiting to be matched with a birth mother. We could be matched as quickly as a few weeks, or up to several months. We get matched with a mother in her seventh month or later, which is just crazy to think about. Once we get that exciting phone call, we have two-ish months to wait until baby comes home...at the MOST!

We are so excited we can hardly stand it. We know that patience is a virtue and one that we will have to spend a great deal of time pursuing over the next 6+ months. They have told us that the average wait time from acceptance to placement of a baby in the home is approximately 6-9 months. So, we will be accepted into the program around Thanksgiving, giving us an "average" placement period of May - August 2011. Of course, we could always have that option where they call us and say..."A mother just gave birth and would like to adopt their baby out, would you like to consider this child?" That would bypass all averages and standard wait-times and is certainly a possibility.

So that's where we are along in the process. As for the personal things we are doing in preparation, I have begun drafting up ideas for the nursery. Most of you know we are going to do a french-vintage-whimsy themed nursery. I've posted some photos at the bottom. It all began with a stork my mom purchased for our future nursery 2 years ago.

We are also in the process of brainstorming ideas to raise funds. I have now added a "donate" button to my blog to the right margin. If anyone feels inclined to give, that would be the place to. All funds donated will go directly into the donation account set up at IQCU. We want to say thank you, in advance, for everyone's support, both financially and spiritually/emotionally. This is such a wonderful experience, and we are just enjoying the ride God is taking us on. It's not without strife and certainly not without hardship, but it is difficult to end each day without joy seeping in, reminding us of the little bundle coming our way.

We know that this must be God's plan and that it must be something really special and so good, because already I have felt the attacks that only come from Satan. I've had to fight the times of feeling inadequate, self-doubt, defeat, pity, insecurity and unworthiness. I have confidence that this is just one of the many blessings God has for us and it is most certainly His plan. That little baby out there is going to be loved to pieces and we just can't wait to meet him or her. There isn't an ill thought out there that could possibly squash this kind of anticipation, joy and honor.

Thank you, again and again, for all your support and for believing in us through this process. Your encouragement has not gone unnoticed. My soul eats it up like a hungry bear. It helps when the self-doubting, uncertain, defeating thoughts come haunting me.

Before I go, I wanted to leave you with a little story. I went in to Gymboree with my mom a few weeks ago and we couldn't help ourselves. We found some outrageously cute clothes that we had to scoop up. My mom took the clothes to the register and was chatting with the sales lady while I grabbed one more thing. As I approached the register, the lady says, how exciting for you, when are you due!?

I gasped and nearly burst into tears. I explained that I was adopting, so my due date is sort of on a sliding scale. It will be a surprise. They were all very excited for me and wished me luck. As I exited the store I teared up, not because I was sad, but because it was the first time anyone had ever asked me such a question. Something inside of my heart lurched forward and starting ticking. Like my "momma" time finally began. It didn't hit me that I am actually going to be a mother until that moment. I was thrilled and overwhelmed all in one. I may not have this baby growing inside of me, no matter how desperately I wish I did, but I deeply long for this baby. He or she is woven into the fabric of my life and I just can't wait to start each day looking into this baby's eyes and telling him or her how much of a precious gift he or she is.

That's all for now friends.

Confessions of Ashley de Ainley

I just finished reading "Confessions of Catherine de Medici" by C.W. Gortner and I felt that perhaps I, too, would jot down a few confessions of my own.

Confession #1: I hate sharing milk

It's not that I hate sharing milk in general, it's that I find it disgusting to share a glass of milk. This has been something I've struggled with most of my life. I would rather abandon a full glass of milk than suffer the grotesque milk residue left by my milk-sharing companion.

Confession #2: I hate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

It's like America's past time, and still I don't care for it. It's the classic quick and easy lunch for picnics, hikes, walks and low food budgets, but still I don't budge on my stance.

When I was four years old, my brother and I had two pet lizards. My mother didn't care much for them since she wasn't a fan of purchasing crickets for their tasty delight. We would always go to the local pet store and pick up a Chinese to-go food box filled with crickets.

One afternoon, after being picked up from school, my dad inquired about whether I had finished my lunch. I said I had, though I still hid my uneaten PB&J sandwich in my lunch pail. As soon as I got home, I devised a plan to offer to throw away the emptied cricket box and fill it's empty remains with my discarded sandwich. It was genious. Worked like a charm until I was hungry well before dinnertime without a solid explanation. I swear I wasn't that devious a child, this just happens to be a memory that has stuck with me.

Confession #3: I am long-winded

I'm not sure anything needs to be said about this. Though, in lieu of the subject, I must elaborate. Oh, wait, nevermind.


Confession #4: I am a sucker for traveling salesmen

Yes, it's true. I had no idea I had this weakness until I became a homeowner. On a sunny Saturday afternoon a vacuum traveling salesman stopped in to showcase a Kirby vacuum system. I had no interest and thought it was completely unreasonable the price they were asking. Yet, somehow after he cleaned our entire home with this out-of-this-world vacuum, I found myself nodding my head signing the dotted line. Now, let's just say that we spent more on that vacuum than I did on my wedding gown. I know. Insane. And this wasn't my only moment of weakness. You would think I would have learned after nearly signing away my first born for a machine. Yes, there have been other unfortunately purchases over the years. It's like something happens, I become hypnotized and incapable to say no. So, if this is your profession, don't be offended if we never have you over for dinner. It's my husband protecting me from doing something I'll regret.

Confession #5: I have been ignoring my husband while I wrote this

So, I should probably get to enjoying what is left of this beautiful September Saturday.


Ciao!

Ode à mes tomates vertes

My tomatoes are green and fall is around the corner
If they don't turn red soon I'll transition to mourner
They've been watered and fed and bathed in sunlight
But they still hang all green and skin far too tight

I perused my fair fruit today in the cool showers
They sagged and seemed hearty but too filled with flowers
It's too late, I cried, too late for new blooms
The sun is leaving, bringing on the monsoons

Oh, my poor tomatoes, so young and naive
It was I, the planter, who had to believe
That these tiny little plants, so small, so frail
Could one day turn plump and fill a full pail

But, alas, it's nearly fall and all I can see
Is green, verte, grün, staring right back at me
So, here's to mes tomates vertes on the vine
On your juicy, red bodies I wish I could dine

Eye Didn't Lie

So, I went to the eye doctor today with my sister-in-law, Nicole, for a joint appointment to have our eyes checked out.

Whenever I go to the eye doctor, the same story from my childhood comes rolling back. Yes, I'm guilty. Of what? Of lying during my eye exam when I was in third grade just so that I could get glasses. Let's just say it wasn't one of my prouder moments in life, but I sure get a good laugh thinking about it now.

What's even better is that I didn't reveal my dirty little secret until I was in college at dinner with my family. To my parents' astonishment, they learned that their daughter had lied to get glasses. I grinned sheepishly at the table, but they had a bone to pick with me. After all, glasses aren't free, nor are they cheap.

So, I'm sorry parents for lying way back when. But you have to admit it's a good story.

This was my first time to the eye doctor in five years, so this would be the first time I was footing the bill for the exam and potential glasses. So, you'd better believe I gave it all I had to see even the smallest lines. No fibbing here.

He said my vision is great, just need some very mild reading glasses. We had one hoot of a time, though. Best time I've had at the doctor's possibly ever. I highly recommend the doctor buddy system.

Just for your viewing pleasure I brought home a souvenir. Photos of the inside of my eyeballs! I don't know about you but I get a very "Innerspace" (Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid) vibe from the photos. "Twistin', Twistin', Twistin' the night away..."

(Note: The black carwash-like phalanges are my eyelashes.)

Redeeming Love

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.


Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.

I just finished reading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. I know I'm probably the last soul on earth to discover this precious gem, but better late than never.

I have had a difficult time trying to put into words my review of such a masterpiece. Each time I try, my eyes well up with tears at such beauty. The story is the retelling of the book of Hosea from the Bible. Set in the gold-rush of California in the 1800s, the story begins with the tragic and horrifying reality that created the character Sarah/Angel/Tirzah/Mara/Amanda. Her childhood and early adulthood is filled with unspeakable torture and sinful wrath, utterly rotting her from the inside out.

Without spoiling the whole story, because it honestly deserves to be read, the story is one of ultimate redemption. Of reaching into darkness and bringing a rotting corpse of a soul back to radiant life. A story of the ultimate, incomparable redemption freely available to us all.

I was out in my garden weeding like crazy on Saturday and I stopped mid-pull, hunched over on my knees and sobbed. I came to a very significant realization. Part of the story touches on pregnancy and the pang of barrenness came rushing back inside me like a wave and knocked me off my feet. With all of the excitement and anticipation of the adoption process, I had naively believed the sadness in my heart from two fruitless years would be filled with a new longing. While I am overflowing with joy and I am, as I have noted before, thrilled about what is ahead, I continue to yearn for biological children. It's an equal longing I now have for my adopted children, but because of the indubitable nature of adoption, the uncertainty of whether I will ever be pregnant still haunts me.

The realization, as dirt-streaked tears fell from my face, was that I had blamed God for my pain, suffering and impatience. I had been angry with Him for my barrenness. As I was reading, I realized that I am His dearly beloved. Each time I am faced with a less-than-desirable circumstance, I turn and shake my fist at the sky like He is some unruly child holding a magnifying glass to me just waiting to burn me when I get excited about something. As I was reading the book I realized just how wrong I have been. I am loved so much that every time I shake my fist at Him, He just smiles down at me waiting for me to realize that He loves me and His timing is perfect.

I may not understand–I rarely do–but I have to look at the facts of my life. Has He ever let me down? No. Have I ever endured pain beyond what I could bear? No. Have I been so absurdly blessed even though what I really deserve is a swift kick in the rear? Yes.

I am happy and blessed and although that blessing doesn't include being pregnant at this time, or maybe ever, I will go on knowing that His love for me surpasses my understanding. All the pain I feel, He simply wants me to lay it down at His feet and walk away knowing that the Creator of all things, from the intangible air we breathe, to the warmth of a loving relationship, He cares and always knows what is best for me.

If you didn't read the hymn above, I really think you should. It's so wonderful and it speaks volumes to me about the depth of God's love. And it just so happens to be an important song to the book "Redeeming Love."

Body Gospel - Day 15

Just a little blogging update on my workout program, Body Gospel.

It's day 15 and I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying the program. It gives me something to look forward to. For the first time in a very, very long time I am actually enjoying working out. Before this I would come up with every excuse in the book from "I'm too tired" to "My elbow hurts" so that I could get out of working out.

I finally feel motivated and I'm telling you, if I can do it, anyone can. In high school and college I had the discipline of a horse. But it has been a few years since then and when it comes to fitness my discipline is more in line with say a porpoise or fig newton. I just wouldn't do it.

I did accidentally leave my Body Gospel workout bands (stretchy resistance bands) at my in-laws over the weekend, but I have just been improvising, utilizing other videos to keep me going.

Once I get to day 20, I will do a re-evaluation and note any weight loss. I'm hoping I get to be one of those people who holds up pants in front of them that are ridiculously huge. I think I just may go buy some extremely large pants and do that just for kicks.

Adoption - Day 10

We finished the first portion of our homestudy last night, which was the in-home visit. It wasn't anything like I expected, though my expectations were all over the place.

Thankfully, coming into the evening, I had the reassurance that Tim has a history with Mike–the social worker who conducted the interview. I figure anyone who knows Tim knows the tender and compassionate heart he has, which certainly bodes well for us in the acceptance process. But Mike knew nothing about me. What if opposites attract and Tim married some crazy heartless witch-like creature that he vowed to spend his life trying to soften and turn from her heartless, crazy ways?

So, I was a little anxious, you could say. I looked online to see what other prospective parents had experienced during this portion and the majority seemed to say this was going to be an intense evening.

It wasn't. We could have had my parents over for coffee and had a similar experience. Mike was gentle with us and, most of all, reassuring and encouraging. He didn't go around our home swiping his finger across every smooth surface and then jotting down notes furiously if any spec of dust wafted into the air. I suppose I shouldn't have gone all pillow-nazi on Tim when he didn't stack the pillows on the bed in perfect form. Sorry babe.

Mike just wanted to know about us, not about how well we cleaned or how close to perfect we would be as parents, but just who we are as individuals and as a couple. We told the story of our journey from graduating high school, to meeting each other, to where we are now. He then gave us some really sound advice on adoption and gave us an overview of what we can expect. He urged us to be patient. The process can be long and with plenty of false alarms to getting matched with a mother/baby.

One of the things I liked the best from what he said was that the birth mother is courageous for two reasons: 1) She has chosen to give this baby life, rather than abort the baby and 2) She has chosen to adopt her baby out, knowing her limitations could not provide the best life for the baby. I had never considered the birth mother being courageous before. I suppose I had always envisioned baby's being put up for adoption by mothers who didn't want their children. It was a brand new way to consider it and one that I have now, no pun intended, adopted as my own. It is courageous. And I have made a commitment to thank God every day that this mother out there somewhere is making that very courageous decision to keep our baby in her womb and give our baby over for adoption to eventually become part of our family. It moves me. I get all weepy just thinking about it.

So that I don't ramble on and on, I will sum up the experience to say that it was thoroughly enjoyable. At no point did I feel like I was in an FBI room being questioned about my intentions. It was comfortable and reassuring. It has now also made this feel very official. The paperwork itself was very official, but this was checking a seriously large step off the list and it is on the brink of setting in.

I'm thrilled. It's an understatement, but it's true. I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude that God planted this seed in my heart during the drought in my life over the past two years and little did I know that a drought is just what this little seed needed to become something grand, something altogether beautiful. I'm just beginning to envision my baby out there somewhere it is just plain wonderful and warming. It's a peace and love so deep in my soul, it permeates my whole body, into my bones. I'm ready to be a mother and I'm ever so grateful that I have been chosen for this moment and this time to become a mother to a little baby that may not even be conceived yet!

Thank you everyone who has reached out to me and given me words of encouragement and support. I cannot even begin to describe how loved and supported I feel. After two years of internal grieving, it is so absolutely wonderful to look around and see so many people cheering us on.

Before I sign off from this blog post, I wanted to post a little something for my baby-to-be out there. I'll want to show him or her this one day to show them just how much we yearned for just exactly them and how much we intend to adore them every day of their life.

...So, little baby Ainley, wherever you are, I want you to know you are loved. Loved so deeply that it makes us leap for some pretty serious joy. We can't wait to meet you and spend the rest of our lives learning everything about you. You're special and we know it. You are just right for us and we are counting the days until we hold you in our arms and tell you for the first time that you are ours, really ours. You are our little gift. We will tell you every day how wonderful and special you are and how much of a gift you are to our lives. We love you, little baby Ainley. And we always will.


So, thank you for reading, friends. And that's all for now. I need a tissue.

This is us, just before Mike arrived. We look excited or nervous. I can't tell.













A great passage I just came across.

Psalm 113

1 Praise the LORD. [a]
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.

2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.

3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.

5 Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,

6 who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?

7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

8 he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.

9 He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.

Elyon's Garden - Mini Harvest

Beans! I have beans growing in my garden and they are just a few days away from chow time. Little do they know their days of basking in the sunshine are numbered! I'm so happy I could cry.

I planted a garden for the first time this year. I was inspired to have a garden primarily because, well, I've always wanted one and also because I used to garden with my grandparents, so I suppose you could say it all started 20+ years ago.

When my parents offered their grassy field to serve as my gardening oasis, I jumped at the opportunity.

If you live in the northwest, you know the kind of spring and summer we have had–none at all. So, of all the years to start a garden, this wasn't the best. But, alas, my spirits have stayed high and it's starting to pay off! The beans look fantastic and here's some other veggies/fruits coming down the pike:

Corn, cucumbers, cantaloupe, red bell peppers, green bell peppers, yellow bell peppers, raspberries, broccoli, green onions, pumpkins and tomatoes!

The tomatoes are among the most promising. I opted to use four large Topsy Turvy tree bags to grow the tomatoes and my goodness they are going nuts! I will have tomatoes coming out of my ears in just a few weeks.

Anyway, it has been a labor of love, with plenty of labor to go around, but it has been worth it. I named the garden Elyon's Garden based on the character "Elyon" from Ted Dekker's circle series (Black, Red, White). I HIGHLY recommend them. It's a very special and dear character to me.

So, here's to my beans and a beautiful sunny day on this August 5th day.

Body Gospel - Day 1

Well, this marks the start of my journey to losing some weight and toning up over the next six weeks.

I think my lack of motivation stemmed from 1) fear of quitting/failure 2) anticipating getting pregnant, so why lose weight I will regain? 3) lack of self-confidence. But here I am on day one. I believe I noted that I would post a before photo, but I think I'm just going to hold onto that until the end.

I just finished working out and I love the program already. I know it may be on the corny side with hallelujahs throughout the workout, but it keeps me going and builds me up.

Day 1, you're history. Onto the next!

Adoption - Day 5

An Open Door

The reason we chose the agency we did is because of this statement they have listed in their information packet. It moves me. I have such a hatred for abortion and a passion to save unborn children that I feel compelled to move forward with an adoption agency that abhors abortion, too.

"We are concerned for the lives of all children, regardless of race, and are among the few agencies who place minority children. Few Southeastern families are waiting to adopt these children, and placement fees in distant states fall far short of the cost of services. Yes, we could reduce the cost of our adoption services if we offered services in only a few major cities. But, here in Georgia, no other agency reaches every small town or the many minority birth mothers who are turned away by other agencies. If we regarded adoptive parents as our primary client, we would eliminate these services and offer lower fees. However, our mission is to save the lives of children and change the lives of their young mothers."

Now that's what I call divine purpose.

Adoption - Day 1

It's official, we are submitting our application on Monday and will be on our way to becoming Mom and Dad to a beautiful little baby.

I'd like to be open as we go through this process, since so many people have shared in our journey and struggle with an inability to get pregnant.

First I'd like to say that adopting was not a rushed decision, nor was it a decision out of disappointment with our 2-year-long infertility. Adoption has been a long process for the both of us and about a year ago I opened up to the idea and over the past year I have overcome my fears and have become passionate to be a mother to an adopted baby regardless of if we ever do have biological children.

Second, we have decided to adopt a black baby. This passion stems from a few places. We love the idea of giving our niece, Liberty, a cousin that can relate on a cultural level. But we also love the idea of rescuing a baby from the foster care system and an unstable environment. The need is so great in the south and we feel inclined to adopt from there.

We have opted to move forward with An Open Door adoption agency, based out of Georgia. We will submit our application on Monday and then we will have our home study on Friday of next week. Right out of the gate we experienced our first blessing. The person conducting the home study is actually someone that Tim knows! It was completely out of randomness (a.k.a. God's plan) that we stumbled upon this agency that conducts these home studies and I initially communicated with the person. Tim then made the connection and the rest is history. Not only that but we also discovered the adoption will be about $5,000 less than we were anticipating.

As we launch into this process, we ask for your prayers and support. It's not going to be an easy road and I know that, for me, I will be struggling with continuing to view this time as becoming a mother. Much like a pregnant woman notices body changes and sees the growing baby protruding from her mid-section, I will need to be mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally preparing to become a mom. This will not be an easy task and I am certain that my demons Mr. Failure and Mr. You Aren't Good Enough will pay me lots of visits and remind me that I'm not really going to be a mom since I'm not carrying the baby. I will fight them off with all I have and pray for God's joy to carry me through.

We also know that this comes with a significant financial burden. The adoption process will cost $20,000. We have complete faith that God will provide and, again, we ask for your prayers and support as we creatively approach good ol' fashioned fund raising.

Well, I've neglected my poor husband enough for tonight. I'm as excited as a kid in a candy store about all this and I already see God's providence leading us to our first addition (besides Tucker, that is) to our family.

Peace

HELLO PAPERWORK!

Ah, Books

So, I think I'm a book hussy. Whenever I finish a book quickly, which is fairly often, I feel parched and desperate for more until I find another book to dive into. The problem is that when this happens, I usually scoop up way too many books and I usually end up starting five books all at once because of my over zealousness for reading. I end up like a kid cowering behind the couch with the cookie jar and all the cookies with a bite out of them.

I love reading. I wish I had more time in each day to spend 2-3 hours reading. Sadly, it is more like an hour every day or two. I went to the library last night to get some more books while I wait for the books I really want to read to come in. I scooped up Francine Rivers' "Unveiled" on the life of Tamar, one of the five women in the lineage of Christ. It's a novella, so I'm thinking it will fly by quickly.

I have recently taken up a new interest in the lineage of Jesus Christ. Because I consider him my Savior and Purpose in life, I am excited to have found a new passion to learn about his lineage. I believe it stems from a few months back when I was reading the first chapter of Matthew from the King James Bible to my Grandma–no easy task. Underneath all the thee's and thou's I noticed that the lineage of Christ, first, includes five unlikely women–I say unlikely because they are just so normal, not royal or divine on their own accord–and, second, ends with Joseph. Joseph, as in Mary and Joseph. This I found fascinating considering there is no actual blood of Joseph in Christ, since Jesus was born through immaculate conception. I know that in Bible times and throughout history it is consistently the man that carries the lineage onto the next generation. It's just something that had never occurred to me.

Granted, this doesn't alter the story in any way, but it sure makes me awfully curious about the lineage of Mary.

Well, that's all the randomness for now. Ciao!

Body Gospel

So I've done it. For the first time in my life I have decided to commit to a workout program. Gulp.

It's one of those things where, yes, I want to lose weight, but I also desperately do not want to fail or give up. I think that's been the driving force behind not committing before this point.

I will post a "before" photo once I receive the DVDs. So, here's to pounding down as many ice cream scoops, chocolate candies, elephant ears and just plain butter until dooms day arrives!

If you want to Body Gospel with me... you can find it at bodygospel.com