Well it's Monday, which means I just finished up my ninth week of pregnancy and I'm settling into my tenth week. I don't want to jinx anything, but it's possible the morning sickness portion may be getting better. Today has been a pretty tolerable day. I don't want to simultaneously scarf a pizza and throw it up, so I think that's a pretty good sign!
This morning sickness is for the birds. No, I haven't had the violent vomiting–thank goodness–but I have had this combination of always being hungry and always be nauseous. And the scale tips closer the the nausea side the more hungry I get. It's an endless battle and one I have taken upon myself to whine and mope about to my husband daily. I'm sure he's tired of my moaning, but I feel that since I'm the one with the baby growing in me and the birth to look forward to, while he just gets to kick back and be daddy-o with not so much as a mere broken finger or two during labor, I get the right to whine if I want to! :)
I've determined, after my highly scientific study, that there is a distinct reason why God designed it so that you could not both be pregnant and have a newborn naturally. The smells of Desitin and formula might as well be sewage or moldy cabbage. Even certain lotions must be avoided or I get the gag reflex working. I find myself in the middle of the night burping Lamaya while also leaning away trying to find my happy place to keep the room and my stomach from spinning. Oh, what an adventure!
Heading into my 10th week also means that Lamaya is six weeks old now. My little girl is almost all grown up. Before I know it we will be picking out a prom dress, locking her up in her room to prevent any males from seeing her beautiful little face until she is at least 35, graduating high school, walking her down the aisle.... I need a tissue. Okay, so maybe I have just a wee bit of time until then, but it sure seems crazy to me that she is already six weeks.
The funny, or not so funny, thing about six weeks is that Lamaya's pediatrician made sure to clue me in on a little milestone we will hit at this stage. It's called the, "Every six week baby cries, on average, three hours per day." Oh yes, and like clockwork, she is dusting off those lungs and whaling like it's going out of style. And, like everything else, she is above average with this milestone. Last night was our first treat into the six week milestone. Every half hour she wanted to make sure we were still in the house, or at least within earshot–so, basically, within a 5-mile radius. I took the late night shift, which ended around 2 am and didn't sleep but maybe 45 minutes. Tim took the early morning shift, which ramped up shortly after mine ended and he was up nearly every 30 minutes. I got to thinking that maybe she just wants us to exercise with all this getting up and down. I'd prefer she focus her efforts during the daytime, but it's awfully sweet of her to be thinking about our health.
And boy does that baby girl got some l-u-n-g-s on her. Sure, she has cried here and there since we picked her up, but not the kind that I can hear through floor upstairs while Tim is rocking her and trying to calm her. I swear I felt the floor shake a little.
So, you know, we are trying to learn new ways to comfort her. The old go-to's are SO last week to her now. This is some adventure we are on. I think, for Christmas, all I want is just a bag of magical sleep dust. Where I can sprinkle it over me and it's like I slept the whole night. That would be marvelous.
Keeping it real in mommyhood,
AA
Monday, December 19, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Mommy Blog - Day 31
Well, the time has come.
We've kept this "under wraps" for as long as possible. And we have done one terrible job of it, so this probably isn't even news for many of you.
The night we were packing to pick up Lamaya I decided to take a test. Oh, yes, a test! Not the SAT test. Not a personality test. Not a "Which Disney Princess Are You?" test. A pregnancy test. And, wouldn't you know it....
I've heard the stories of bringing home your adopted baby and a few weeks or months later, badabing! But, I have not yet heard of the simultaneous babies business. Yes, we were and continue to freak out a bit. For those of you who are trying to calculate, welcome to the club. I've heard conflicting stories as to how far along I am, though I'm sure my ultrasound in a few weeks will help solve the mystery. My fertility specialist doctor has calculated me to be in my ninth week at this time. We were able to see the heartbeat on an internal ultrasound on December 2nd, which was SUCH a blessing. It meant that our pregnancy is a healthy one and our chances of miscarrying have dropped to less than 5%.
So, pretty amazing eh? I suppose I should have backed off a wee bit on the prayers for a baby. :) No, no, we are absolutely thrilled and it's so evident that this is exactly how God planned it and here's why:
Lamaya was born 4 weeks early. On the day we received the phone call that we had been matched, we had already had a discussion that morning about what we would do if we became pregnant. We had come to a decision that we would put our file on hold if we became pregnant and saw the heartbeat in an ultrasound. If we became pregnant and it was really early on–too early to see the heartbeat–we would keep our names on the adoption wait list.
So, if Lamaya had been born late, or even on time, we would have more than likely pulled our names from the wait list because we would have seen the heartbeat in an ultrasound. Talk about perfect timing! It makes this whole process very special to know that God is up there smiling down on us and blessing us left and right.
I am very excited to begin blogging about the joys (and hardships) of being both pregnant and having a newborn, but I really just wanted to get this bit of good news out there.
Nothing like going from zero children to two children in less than a year! They will be 8 1/2 months apart and likely in the same grade at school. How fun!
No, we're not having twins. Whew.
AA
We've kept this "under wraps" for as long as possible. And we have done one terrible job of it, so this probably isn't even news for many of you.
The night we were packing to pick up Lamaya I decided to take a test. Oh, yes, a test! Not the SAT test. Not a personality test. Not a "Which Disney Princess Are You?" test. A pregnancy test. And, wouldn't you know it....
I've heard the stories of bringing home your adopted baby and a few weeks or months later, badabing! But, I have not yet heard of the simultaneous babies business. Yes, we were and continue to freak out a bit. For those of you who are trying to calculate, welcome to the club. I've heard conflicting stories as to how far along I am, though I'm sure my ultrasound in a few weeks will help solve the mystery. My fertility specialist doctor has calculated me to be in my ninth week at this time. We were able to see the heartbeat on an internal ultrasound on December 2nd, which was SUCH a blessing. It meant that our pregnancy is a healthy one and our chances of miscarrying have dropped to less than 5%.
So, pretty amazing eh? I suppose I should have backed off a wee bit on the prayers for a baby. :) No, no, we are absolutely thrilled and it's so evident that this is exactly how God planned it and here's why:
Lamaya was born 4 weeks early. On the day we received the phone call that we had been matched, we had already had a discussion that morning about what we would do if we became pregnant. We had come to a decision that we would put our file on hold if we became pregnant and saw the heartbeat in an ultrasound. If we became pregnant and it was really early on–too early to see the heartbeat–we would keep our names on the adoption wait list.
So, if Lamaya had been born late, or even on time, we would have more than likely pulled our names from the wait list because we would have seen the heartbeat in an ultrasound. Talk about perfect timing! It makes this whole process very special to know that God is up there smiling down on us and blessing us left and right.
I am very excited to begin blogging about the joys (and hardships) of being both pregnant and having a newborn, but I really just wanted to get this bit of good news out there.
Nothing like going from zero children to two children in less than a year! They will be 8 1/2 months apart and likely in the same grade at school. How fun!
No, we're not having twins. Whew.
AA
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
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Monday, December 5, 2011
Mommy Blog - Let's call this... day 24
Alright. Epic fail on updating the blog right away after returning home. It's been a little busy adjusting, but I suppose that goes without saying.
I've been a momma for 24 days now. That's amazing to me, because it's already flying by so fast. This whole life-change business is quite an ordeal. I'm certain I've never seen my home so messy, but I've probably also never cared less. It seems so simple, you know? Lamaya needs to eat, we feed her. Lamaya needs a diaper change, we change her. Lamaya need to burp, we burp her. Lamaya needs to fall aslep, she falls asleep. So, then, why does it seem to turn our world upside down? Because it really isn't that easy.
I'm learning more and more about the tricks of trying to get Lamaya to fall asleep, to eat all of her bottle, to stay awake more during the day. She has been pretty easy on us as newbies. She has allowed us to experience victories, which seem small in the scope of, oh say life, but they are huge to us. Getting up before 8 am, getting dressed and getting makeup on my face this morning was a serious accomplishment. I felt proud walking out the door this morning feeling like only good things could happen today because, by golly, I have clean clothes on, hair done and makeup on. I'm learning to celebrate these mini-victories, because the big ones I keep saying I "have to get done" that continue to be undone can really get me down. I really need to fix the Christmas lights on our outside post. Half of them are not lit up. I have to balance our budget from last month. It's making this month an impossibility to balance. I have to vacuum and dust downstairs because we will soon be living in the Munsters house if I don't. I have to help my mom finish up the third floor project we started months ago. I have to finish the laundry.
And, the best answer I can say to all these things is: Maybe tomorrow....
Ah well, the joy of motherhood. One giant balancing act. I feel like I don't have the right to say things like, "the joy of motherhood" since I am still very much so a rookie and have no idea what it's like to be a seasoned mom. I, especially, feel like we have this whole parenthood thing very easy considering we have oodles of help.
One of my favorite transitions in all of this, besides watching Tim become a daddy, has been watching my dad become a grandpa. Never before has the earth stood still like it does when Lamaya is in need of anything, even simply being held or burping. Grandpa is eager to jump in and take on the task of spending time with his granddaughter. Work? What work? TV? What TV? Grandpa has Lamaya and that's all that really matters. It's pretty neat.
Well, Lamaya's progress is pretty standard. I swear she is nearly walking and talking. Probably will know her alphabet tomorrow. Okay, I may be getting slightly carried away, but she's mastered drinking a bottle down! And, she is one heck of a head-lifter. She is even attempting to use her leg muscles to stand on me a little. So, it's pretty safe to say she will be a child prodigy. Maybe, MAYBE I might be a little biased.
So, that's all from the new mommy today. More to come for sure. Enjoy the frosty mornings!
AA
I've been a momma for 24 days now. That's amazing to me, because it's already flying by so fast. This whole life-change business is quite an ordeal. I'm certain I've never seen my home so messy, but I've probably also never cared less. It seems so simple, you know? Lamaya needs to eat, we feed her. Lamaya needs a diaper change, we change her. Lamaya need to burp, we burp her. Lamaya needs to fall aslep, she falls asleep. So, then, why does it seem to turn our world upside down? Because it really isn't that easy.
I'm learning more and more about the tricks of trying to get Lamaya to fall asleep, to eat all of her bottle, to stay awake more during the day. She has been pretty easy on us as newbies. She has allowed us to experience victories, which seem small in the scope of, oh say life, but they are huge to us. Getting up before 8 am, getting dressed and getting makeup on my face this morning was a serious accomplishment. I felt proud walking out the door this morning feeling like only good things could happen today because, by golly, I have clean clothes on, hair done and makeup on. I'm learning to celebrate these mini-victories, because the big ones I keep saying I "have to get done" that continue to be undone can really get me down. I really need to fix the Christmas lights on our outside post. Half of them are not lit up. I have to balance our budget from last month. It's making this month an impossibility to balance. I have to vacuum and dust downstairs because we will soon be living in the Munsters house if I don't. I have to help my mom finish up the third floor project we started months ago. I have to finish the laundry.
And, the best answer I can say to all these things is: Maybe tomorrow....
Ah well, the joy of motherhood. One giant balancing act. I feel like I don't have the right to say things like, "the joy of motherhood" since I am still very much so a rookie and have no idea what it's like to be a seasoned mom. I, especially, feel like we have this whole parenthood thing very easy considering we have oodles of help.
One of my favorite transitions in all of this, besides watching Tim become a daddy, has been watching my dad become a grandpa. Never before has the earth stood still like it does when Lamaya is in need of anything, even simply being held or burping. Grandpa is eager to jump in and take on the task of spending time with his granddaughter. Work? What work? TV? What TV? Grandpa has Lamaya and that's all that really matters. It's pretty neat.
Well, Lamaya's progress is pretty standard. I swear she is nearly walking and talking. Probably will know her alphabet tomorrow. Okay, I may be getting slightly carried away, but she's mastered drinking a bottle down! And, she is one heck of a head-lifter. She is even attempting to use her leg muscles to stand on me a little. So, it's pretty safe to say she will be a child prodigy. Maybe, MAYBE I might be a little biased.
So, that's all from the new mommy today. More to come for sure. Enjoy the frosty mornings!
AA
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Adoption - Day... Who cares, it's THE DAY!
I wish I had some very clever words to say today. I'm afraid I am still a little beside myself from the whirlwind that began on Sunday, November 6th–yes, the day that was just 10 days ago. I just had a dear friend of mine tell me I should just say, "She's Here!" and call it a day.
So...SHE'S HERE! I am absolutely blessed beyond measure to be able to introduce you to our baby girl, our daughter, the one we have waited and waited and WAITED for. Her name is Lamaya Claire Ainley (pronounced luh-my-uh). She was born on November 4th and was 4 weeks early. She was 5 pounds 9 ounces and 17 inches long. But, those are just the facts. She is perfect, angelic, beautiful, tiny, breath-taking and the absolute apple of my eye.
I am sure many of you are wondering, is this one for sure? The answer: yes. The revoke period ends in just a few short hours and, the truth is, the birth mother would have to give written notice and have it postmarked by now. Our caseworker, who has been a big blessing to us this entire 10-day process, checked in with birth mom today and she is feeling wonderful about the whole thing and is sure this is the best decision.
As I type this, Tim is walking around the room in our condo holding Lamaya. This is a very surreal picture. I'm speechless. God has truly blessed our lives with this precious gift and we just are beside ourselves with joy. I am very eager to share the beautiful story of the birth mother and how we were able to meet her and her loving family. I'm just not sure I can get into it right now with all the emotions swirling around me. I will have more to share as the days progress. Just know that is has been a beautiful process and one of the most precious moments of my life will always be the moment the birth mother and I shared outside in a Walmart parking lot. It was simply she and I holding each other, crying. It was like our hearts were connected and always will be. I look forward to the day when I get to share with Lamaya the courage and tender care her biological mother had to place her in my arms and walk away.
I look forward to sharing more about this story. But, for now, here she is! She is our precious baby girl and we are headed home on a plane from Georgia (no, not a midnight train) tomorrow (Nov. 17). We cannot contain how excited we are to bring her home to meet the rest of her family.
Enjoy these snapshots of the most beautiful little face I've ever seen. Thank you all so much for your love and prayers. This story doesn't end here! I'll be transitioning to mommy blogging. Wow, that's sure fun to say!
So...SHE'S HERE! I am absolutely blessed beyond measure to be able to introduce you to our baby girl, our daughter, the one we have waited and waited and WAITED for. Her name is Lamaya Claire Ainley (pronounced luh-my-uh). She was born on November 4th and was 4 weeks early. She was 5 pounds 9 ounces and 17 inches long. But, those are just the facts. She is perfect, angelic, beautiful, tiny, breath-taking and the absolute apple of my eye.
I am sure many of you are wondering, is this one for sure? The answer: yes. The revoke period ends in just a few short hours and, the truth is, the birth mother would have to give written notice and have it postmarked by now. Our caseworker, who has been a big blessing to us this entire 10-day process, checked in with birth mom today and she is feeling wonderful about the whole thing and is sure this is the best decision.
As I type this, Tim is walking around the room in our condo holding Lamaya. This is a very surreal picture. I'm speechless. God has truly blessed our lives with this precious gift and we just are beside ourselves with joy. I am very eager to share the beautiful story of the birth mother and how we were able to meet her and her loving family. I'm just not sure I can get into it right now with all the emotions swirling around me. I will have more to share as the days progress. Just know that is has been a beautiful process and one of the most precious moments of my life will always be the moment the birth mother and I shared outside in a Walmart parking lot. It was simply she and I holding each other, crying. It was like our hearts were connected and always will be. I look forward to the day when I get to share with Lamaya the courage and tender care her biological mother had to place her in my arms and walk away.
I look forward to sharing more about this story. But, for now, here she is! She is our precious baby girl and we are headed home on a plane from Georgia (no, not a midnight train) tomorrow (Nov. 17). We cannot contain how excited we are to bring her home to meet the rest of her family.
Enjoy these snapshots of the most beautiful little face I've ever seen. Thank you all so much for your love and prayers. This story doesn't end here! I'll be transitioning to mommy blogging. Wow, that's sure fun to say!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Adoption - Day 413
Happy Almost-Autumn everyone. Boy, summer went out with a serious bang last weekend with temperatures in the 90s. My plants were dancing in the sunlight all weekend long. I, for one, do not care much for heat, so I was thrilled it was packed into a single weekend where I could enjoy the warmth in a brief stint. Now, welcome autumn. The best season of the year, in my opinion of course.
Time to dust off the leafy decor, pumpkin candles, funky gords and light sweaters. I love autumn. I also thoroughly enjoy the anticipation of autumn. The next few weeks left of "summer" are the weeks to get things done before the weather says, "And we're all done here for outdoor projects until July of 2012." I've got a lengthy list, but all sorts of ambition. Not the least of which is, drum roll, starting to venture into what I'll just call "Writing a Book Because I Feel Inspired and also Because I Have Always Wanted To But I'm Real Scared My Writing Isn't All That Fabulous or Interesting" project. It's a working title.
It seems insurmountable, but I have put it on my goals sheet for the year and you all can hold me accountable. Because, what good are goals if you don't have someone asking you about them? My goal is to make "significant progress" on writing the book. I've left the description of my goal a little ambiguous for a reason.
So, I suppose, in lieu of of this goal, I have written an essay. Perhaps it is really this essay that has been the catalyst for my commitment to writing a book. In any case, I've written one. I wrote an essay for the Real Simple magazine essay contest. Today was the last day to submit the essay, so it feels nice to finally have it out of my hands. It will be what it will be. Oh, how I love useless and meaningless statements. I've decided to share it all with you. Since I was an editing and revising lunatic, many of you have already read this. But for those of you who haven't, here you go.
I wrote in the body of my email that even if this essay doesn't amount to a winning piece (or even come close) it has brought tremendous healing just to write it. Each time I read it aloud or to myself, the pain of the experience would slightly dim, as the lessons would illuminate brighter and brighter. I mention briefly that there are days where I wonder if I will ever truly be grateful for this experience. I can honestly say that I am. I can only really thank Jesus for his grace to heal me through something simple but special: writing an essay.
I hope you enjoy!
An Unexpected Gift
By: Ashley N. Ainley
“Thursday?” I asked.
“Thursday. The day after tomorrow,” she replied.
This was the call my husband and I had been waiting nearly seven months for. We had a match. A birth mother had selected us to adopt her baby and she was scheduled for induced labor in two days. Since Georgia law allows the birth mother ten days to change her mind before the adoption is finalized, we had about twelve days to prepare for our baby girl’s arrival.
It is near impossible to describe that tender moment when something you have been yearning for becomes tangible. Real. I suppose it is something like unscrewing a water bottle upside down. It chugs out, followed by gasps of air and more chugging–moments of sheer joy, followed by moments of disbelief, followed by more moments of joy.
We began the adoption process in the summer of 2010. We chose an African-American infant program with an agency based in Georgia. We officially landed on the waiting list in January and were given an estimated match time of three to six months–a process where the birth mother selects us as the forever family for her baby.
August 18th was the day she would be induced–a day I spent getting better acquainted with antacids. The evening crawled by as my mind paced anxious for the news of our little one’s birth. No news. Not until the next morning. Our little girl had been born just after midnight. As the caseworker explained what details she had of the birth, she calmed our fears by saying this birth mother was ready to move forward with the adoption and would sign the surrender paperwork within a day or two.
We were bursting with joy. The door of my heart had flung open to the world of motherhood, as I leaped from tortured patience to eager anticipation. I was going to be a mother. We hugged each other and kept shaking our heads in disbelief. A whirlwind of emotion swirled around us–were we ready to be parents in less than two weeks? As my heart quickened, I had to remember to take deep breaths. I can do this. Right?
The truth is, we have been ready for over three years. After fruitless efforts to become pregnant, we decided to channel our longing for children into the passion we have for adoption. Adoption runs deep in our family. My husband’s mother is adopted and so is mine. He also has five adopted Korean aunts and uncles. Our extensive history combined with our love for children meant it was a topic of discussion even before I had a ring on my finger.
As I sat on the bed thinking of the words I wanted to say to our baby girl in her very first birthday card, I got another call. My breath caught in my throat. It had not been two hours since the last call. The birth mother had changed her mind. All of the emotion, joy and anticipation dissolved into nothing but a vapor.
I collapsed physically and emotionally. My husband held me as I sobbed at the heart-wrenching news. It felt like a tender gift had been snatched from my heart. My mind reacted in disbelief, racing to protect my heart from this sadness still ringing in my ears. It was too late. I was shattered.
It has been less than a month since the bottle cap unscrewed leaving us empty, drained. I have spent many days pondering what it was I went through, am going through, and how I am supposed to continue on with a new sadness in my chest. Many days I have inexplicable nausea. Other days I wonder if I will ever truly be grateful for this experience.
Several months ago I read the question in Real Simple magazine, “When did you first understand the meaning of love?” No single moment came to mind at the time. I have been abundantly blessed by various forms of love throughout my life, but I could not isolate a moment of epiphany for the multi-faceted meaning of love. This is not to discredit the deep love I certainly have for my husband and family. It was not until recently I realized how this experience has helped form my answer. I have a new understanding of love–a mother’s love for her child.
Throughout this waiting process, I’ve been searching for something, anything to make this experience of becoming a mother seem more real. Women who become pregnant have the reality on display after a few months, as they watch their bellies swell with their little gift. As for me, I launched into preparing the nursery and thinking of creative ways to remember and savor each moment along the way. I want to be able to give my child something special to hold onto, to know they are loved, cherished and wanted.
I have been given a fresh perspective. It isn’t that I lost hope, but I had latched onto a specific child who was never intended to be mine at all. If I hadn’t gone through the joy and anticipation of that little girl, I would not have had the opportunity to feel the pulse of motherhood flow through my veins–the love that goes beyond comprehension and mere emotion. This little girl has given me a peek at the tender moment when we will at last hold our baby in our arms, knowing this little one is ours, is home. This experience allowed me to dip my fingers into the depthless joy of motherhood awaiting me.
Although I still ache from the pain that rocked us not so long ago, I have tossed my nets into the ocean of hope for the day that has always been meant for us. The day when those small fingers wrap around mine and the look of a new father is on my husband’s face. The fear of loss will then be the vapor and pain will be a faded memory as we plunge into the joy this new little life will bring.
I have gained a new appreciation for Lord Alfred Tennyson’s famous excerpt from the poem In Memoriam A.H.H.:
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
I may have loved and lost, but I have also gained a glimpse of a new love that still awaits me–the love of a mother for her child. Love is a gift. It is greater than me, greater than my husband, greater than all of us. It is God’s greatest gift. I will get to give it away, as a mother, some day. I intend to give this gift to the child that is ours and I intend to never stop.
Time to dust off the leafy decor, pumpkin candles, funky gords and light sweaters. I love autumn. I also thoroughly enjoy the anticipation of autumn. The next few weeks left of "summer" are the weeks to get things done before the weather says, "And we're all done here for outdoor projects until July of 2012." I've got a lengthy list, but all sorts of ambition. Not the least of which is, drum roll, starting to venture into what I'll just call "Writing a Book Because I Feel Inspired and also Because I Have Always Wanted To But I'm Real Scared My Writing Isn't All That Fabulous or Interesting" project. It's a working title.
It seems insurmountable, but I have put it on my goals sheet for the year and you all can hold me accountable. Because, what good are goals if you don't have someone asking you about them? My goal is to make "significant progress" on writing the book. I've left the description of my goal a little ambiguous for a reason.
So, I suppose, in lieu of of this goal, I have written an essay. Perhaps it is really this essay that has been the catalyst for my commitment to writing a book. In any case, I've written one. I wrote an essay for the Real Simple magazine essay contest. Today was the last day to submit the essay, so it feels nice to finally have it out of my hands. It will be what it will be. Oh, how I love useless and meaningless statements. I've decided to share it all with you. Since I was an editing and revising lunatic, many of you have already read this. But for those of you who haven't, here you go.
I wrote in the body of my email that even if this essay doesn't amount to a winning piece (or even come close) it has brought tremendous healing just to write it. Each time I read it aloud or to myself, the pain of the experience would slightly dim, as the lessons would illuminate brighter and brighter. I mention briefly that there are days where I wonder if I will ever truly be grateful for this experience. I can honestly say that I am. I can only really thank Jesus for his grace to heal me through something simple but special: writing an essay.
I hope you enjoy!
An Unexpected Gift
By: Ashley N. Ainley
“Thursday?” I asked.
“Thursday. The day after tomorrow,” she replied.
This was the call my husband and I had been waiting nearly seven months for. We had a match. A birth mother had selected us to adopt her baby and she was scheduled for induced labor in two days. Since Georgia law allows the birth mother ten days to change her mind before the adoption is finalized, we had about twelve days to prepare for our baby girl’s arrival.
It is near impossible to describe that tender moment when something you have been yearning for becomes tangible. Real. I suppose it is something like unscrewing a water bottle upside down. It chugs out, followed by gasps of air and more chugging–moments of sheer joy, followed by moments of disbelief, followed by more moments of joy.
We began the adoption process in the summer of 2010. We chose an African-American infant program with an agency based in Georgia. We officially landed on the waiting list in January and were given an estimated match time of three to six months–a process where the birth mother selects us as the forever family for her baby.
August 18th was the day she would be induced–a day I spent getting better acquainted with antacids. The evening crawled by as my mind paced anxious for the news of our little one’s birth. No news. Not until the next morning. Our little girl had been born just after midnight. As the caseworker explained what details she had of the birth, she calmed our fears by saying this birth mother was ready to move forward with the adoption and would sign the surrender paperwork within a day or two.
We were bursting with joy. The door of my heart had flung open to the world of motherhood, as I leaped from tortured patience to eager anticipation. I was going to be a mother. We hugged each other and kept shaking our heads in disbelief. A whirlwind of emotion swirled around us–were we ready to be parents in less than two weeks? As my heart quickened, I had to remember to take deep breaths. I can do this. Right?
The truth is, we have been ready for over three years. After fruitless efforts to become pregnant, we decided to channel our longing for children into the passion we have for adoption. Adoption runs deep in our family. My husband’s mother is adopted and so is mine. He also has five adopted Korean aunts and uncles. Our extensive history combined with our love for children meant it was a topic of discussion even before I had a ring on my finger.
As I sat on the bed thinking of the words I wanted to say to our baby girl in her very first birthday card, I got another call. My breath caught in my throat. It had not been two hours since the last call. The birth mother had changed her mind. All of the emotion, joy and anticipation dissolved into nothing but a vapor.
I collapsed physically and emotionally. My husband held me as I sobbed at the heart-wrenching news. It felt like a tender gift had been snatched from my heart. My mind reacted in disbelief, racing to protect my heart from this sadness still ringing in my ears. It was too late. I was shattered.
It has been less than a month since the bottle cap unscrewed leaving us empty, drained. I have spent many days pondering what it was I went through, am going through, and how I am supposed to continue on with a new sadness in my chest. Many days I have inexplicable nausea. Other days I wonder if I will ever truly be grateful for this experience.
Several months ago I read the question in Real Simple magazine, “When did you first understand the meaning of love?” No single moment came to mind at the time. I have been abundantly blessed by various forms of love throughout my life, but I could not isolate a moment of epiphany for the multi-faceted meaning of love. This is not to discredit the deep love I certainly have for my husband and family. It was not until recently I realized how this experience has helped form my answer. I have a new understanding of love–a mother’s love for her child.
Throughout this waiting process, I’ve been searching for something, anything to make this experience of becoming a mother seem more real. Women who become pregnant have the reality on display after a few months, as they watch their bellies swell with their little gift. As for me, I launched into preparing the nursery and thinking of creative ways to remember and savor each moment along the way. I want to be able to give my child something special to hold onto, to know they are loved, cherished and wanted.
I have been given a fresh perspective. It isn’t that I lost hope, but I had latched onto a specific child who was never intended to be mine at all. If I hadn’t gone through the joy and anticipation of that little girl, I would not have had the opportunity to feel the pulse of motherhood flow through my veins–the love that goes beyond comprehension and mere emotion. This little girl has given me a peek at the tender moment when we will at last hold our baby in our arms, knowing this little one is ours, is home. This experience allowed me to dip my fingers into the depthless joy of motherhood awaiting me.
Although I still ache from the pain that rocked us not so long ago, I have tossed my nets into the ocean of hope for the day that has always been meant for us. The day when those small fingers wrap around mine and the look of a new father is on my husband’s face. The fear of loss will then be the vapor and pain will be a faded memory as we plunge into the joy this new little life will bring.
I have gained a new appreciation for Lord Alfred Tennyson’s famous excerpt from the poem In Memoriam A.H.H.:
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
I may have loved and lost, but I have also gained a glimpse of a new love that still awaits me–the love of a mother for her child. Love is a gift. It is greater than me, greater than my husband, greater than all of us. It is God’s greatest gift. I will get to give it away, as a mother, some day. I intend to give this gift to the child that is ours and I intend to never stop.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Adoption - Day 387
Speaking of days I will never forget...
It seems so blasé to say, "It's hard." The best summation of the past five days is a roller coaster with the peak and plummet being a little more than an hour apart. Isn't it true that it takes significantly longer to click, click, click to the peak of a coaster than it does to plunge into the downward dive? I've never been one for roller coasters because of the anticipation during the click, click, click on the way up, followed by my least favorite feeling of heart-in-throat panic as I fly, seemingly against my own will even though I willingly stepped aboard, to the bottom.
For those of you who haven't heard, we received the much-anticipated news of the little baby girl's birth shortly after 6:00 am on the 19th of August. She was born just after midnight. I had jolted out of bed nearly every hour on the hour throughout the night to see if I had any news. Tim and I hugged each other and laughed as we called each other momma and daddy. It was music to my ears to hear from the caseworker that, "She is very tired, but ready to move forward with the adoption process."
As the news sunk in, we were grinning from ear to ear, thanking Jesus all along the way for the answer to our prayers. It was surreal, the epitomy of cloud nine. Given the week we had experienced already, it seemed we had landed a sweet piece of land on cloud nine and were there to stay.
As a roller coaster does, after the climb to the top, there is a plunge. A plunge that came with the news of the mother's sudden change of heart.
I've asked, "Why?" a lot in the last 24+ hours. Why didn't I have my guard up more? Why didn't I see the signs of disconnect from Thalia as red flags? Why were we so foolish to commit our words to call her ours? Why did Thalia flip-flop within just 2 hours? How could this happen? And, the most common question I seem to ask: Why does God want us to endure this heartache?
It's not really that I have this woe-is-me attitude, it is more that I just don't understand. Yesterday, as Tim was driving me to the airport to fly home early from a wedding weekend in Oakland to be with my family, a few things came to mind. The old Ginny Owens song with the lyric,"I will go through the fire if You want me to," and, "You never said it would be easy. You only said I'll never go alone." And it got me thinking. These are the moments that define me, the moments that define my walk with Jesus. It is easy for me to blame God for this pain. It's easy for me to stop trusting Him and his so-called plan for my life. I had said all along that my most-fervent prayer was to be matched with the right baby. I prayed we wouldn't have to endure the pain of indecision. It is easy for me to think God doesn't listen, that prayer doesn't work, that He doesn't really care.
But...
Let me tell you. I love Jesus with all I am. If there is anything that gives me hope and restores my joy and gives me strength to stand when I have none, it is love that comes from Jesus. His love and the truth that He most certainly does care about me and my life and each moment I pass through, whether joyful or heartbreaking. He is holding me, taking all your prayers and washing them over me. I asked God to give me a verse to to calm my wretching heart. So, thanks to Jesus and Google,
I came across Psalm 73:26, which encouraged me and did what the popular song says, "dipped my heart in the streams of life." It says:
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"
Well, I could use a Claim-Jumper-sized portion of God and his love and strength right now. I want to say thank you to all of you. All of your prayers and well-wishes I have been overwhelmed by, in the good sense.
As for what's next, we don't really know. We both still long for our forever child, so I am sure that we will continue on. But for now, we take it each day at a time, knowing we are resting in His hands and He is healing our broken hearts. For now, and always, He is our portion.
With love and mercy from above,
AA
It seems so blasé to say, "It's hard." The best summation of the past five days is a roller coaster with the peak and plummet being a little more than an hour apart. Isn't it true that it takes significantly longer to click, click, click to the peak of a coaster than it does to plunge into the downward dive? I've never been one for roller coasters because of the anticipation during the click, click, click on the way up, followed by my least favorite feeling of heart-in-throat panic as I fly, seemingly against my own will even though I willingly stepped aboard, to the bottom.
For those of you who haven't heard, we received the much-anticipated news of the little baby girl's birth shortly after 6:00 am on the 19th of August. She was born just after midnight. I had jolted out of bed nearly every hour on the hour throughout the night to see if I had any news. Tim and I hugged each other and laughed as we called each other momma and daddy. It was music to my ears to hear from the caseworker that, "She is very tired, but ready to move forward with the adoption process."
As the news sunk in, we were grinning from ear to ear, thanking Jesus all along the way for the answer to our prayers. It was surreal, the epitomy of cloud nine. Given the week we had experienced already, it seemed we had landed a sweet piece of land on cloud nine and were there to stay.
As a roller coaster does, after the climb to the top, there is a plunge. A plunge that came with the news of the mother's sudden change of heart.
I've asked, "Why?" a lot in the last 24+ hours. Why didn't I have my guard up more? Why didn't I see the signs of disconnect from Thalia as red flags? Why were we so foolish to commit our words to call her ours? Why did Thalia flip-flop within just 2 hours? How could this happen? And, the most common question I seem to ask: Why does God want us to endure this heartache?
It's not really that I have this woe-is-me attitude, it is more that I just don't understand. Yesterday, as Tim was driving me to the airport to fly home early from a wedding weekend in Oakland to be with my family, a few things came to mind. The old Ginny Owens song with the lyric,"I will go through the fire if You want me to," and, "You never said it would be easy. You only said I'll never go alone." And it got me thinking. These are the moments that define me, the moments that define my walk with Jesus. It is easy for me to blame God for this pain. It's easy for me to stop trusting Him and his so-called plan for my life. I had said all along that my most-fervent prayer was to be matched with the right baby. I prayed we wouldn't have to endure the pain of indecision. It is easy for me to think God doesn't listen, that prayer doesn't work, that He doesn't really care.
But...
Let me tell you. I love Jesus with all I am. If there is anything that gives me hope and restores my joy and gives me strength to stand when I have none, it is love that comes from Jesus. His love and the truth that He most certainly does care about me and my life and each moment I pass through, whether joyful or heartbreaking. He is holding me, taking all your prayers and washing them over me. I asked God to give me a verse to to calm my wretching heart. So, thanks to Jesus and Google,
I came across Psalm 73:26, which encouraged me and did what the popular song says, "dipped my heart in the streams of life." It says:
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"
Well, I could use a Claim-Jumper-sized portion of God and his love and strength right now. I want to say thank you to all of you. All of your prayers and well-wishes I have been overwhelmed by, in the good sense.
As for what's next, we don't really know. We both still long for our forever child, so I am sure that we will continue on. But for now, we take it each day at a time, knowing we are resting in His hands and He is healing our broken hearts. For now, and always, He is our portion.
With love and mercy from above,
AA
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The 16th Day of August, 2011
The sixteenth day of August, 2011 is a day I will never forget. You know, one of those days that burrows into your memory bank like a time capsule with all the sights, sounds, smells and feelings.
"Thursday?" I said.
"Yes, Thursday, as in two days from now," she said.
As my mind started reeling in this new information, my limbs from head to toe started tingling. It felt somewhat like being doused with ice water and set on fire at the same time. As the facts of the conversation spilled out from Debbie, our representative at our adoption agency in Georgia, I allowed my wildly spinning thoughts to latch onto just a few of the words as I mindlessly wrote down details. Words like "baby girl" and "born this Thursday" and "matched."
So, today I have the unbelievable pleasure of announcing that Tim and I will become parents to a baby girl in less than two weeks. Our baby girl, our daughter, will be born in Augusta, Georgia either via induced labor or c-section on Thursday, August 18th, 2011. The birth mother, Thalia, will sign the paperwork on either Friday or Saturday, which will determine when we depart for Georgia. We will leave for Georgia on either the evening of the 29th of August or the evening of the 30th.
I am quite convinced that words simply cannot sum up the joy that is running through my veins. I'm overwhelmed, overjoyed, deeply thankful and also a little terrified. We will launch right into being Mom and Dad in less than two weeks. I sit here looking at my calendar and in two weeks I have a book club meeting planned. I'm sure I was also thinking about what my grocery plans would be for the week and if we would plan a dinner with some friends that week. It makes me smile and giggle a little thinking about how God must have been smiling when I jotted down "Book Club Movie Night" on my calendar for August 30th, knowing in his omniscient way that I'd be in a hotel room in Atlanta, Georgia holding my newborn baby girl in my arms for the very first time.
I was just telling my dear friend Cambria last weekend how I finally feel like I have arrived at a place of peace with the adoption process. I suppose I arrived simply because I knew that if I continued to cling to what I would consider "control" I would only continue to suffer. I have to release the process into His hands and it really wasn't until last week that I felt like I fully let go. Isn't it funny how God plans things perfectly like that? If you would have asked me a week ago if I thought it was funny, God's timing, I'd probably have said, "No, not very funny at all. Frustrating is what I'd call it."
I'm in awe of God's mercy and grace, despite my reoccurring tantrums to "Gimme, gimme, gimme!" He has been patient with me and I can only imagine how excited He has been to share this moment with Tim and I all along. All I can do is turn to Him in gratitude and say thanks. Thank you, Jesus, for the outpouring of your blessing and favor on us. I know I am undeserving, but I am so very grateful You love us so much to bless us with a baby girl... and so quickly!
Speaking of quickly, suddenly all those things I felt were completed ages ago don't seem so complete. The nursery has so much to complete, I don't have any diapers, I don't have baby wipes, I have to get formula. How do I know what formula she will like? How do I know if she will be allergic to anything? How will I know her favorite way to be held? How will I know if she will even like wearing pink? What bottle will help prevent her from suffering colic? AHHHHHH!
Okay, deep breaths. I realize I need to take this one day at a time. But I suddenly feel so unprepared, so not-ready, so incompetent and unfit to be a mother! This is about the time I'd like to say I am internally panicking at the thought of taking on that kind of responsibility. Underneath all the excitement and joy is also a little bit of terror rumbling through me.
Well, I suppose that all I do know is that I'm ready to meet her and hold her. I already love her. So, I suppose that's just about the best place to begin. I will be grateful for the support and advice I receive from all my friends who are experienced moms.
It has been a thrill to tell our families. We told my parents yesterday, who were both shocked and excited, and then drove up to Seattle with my parents to spill the beans to Tim's parents. We were in their home when they arrived home, a little surprised to see us. But, you see, the Ainley crew is a very go-with-the-flow type of family, so they jumped right in to greeting us happily. It wasn't until we asked the question while holding up a cute pink gDiaper, "How do you think this would look on our daughter?" that the shock flashed across their faces. It was a joyous and memorable moment I'll keep treasured in the time capsule that will always be August 16th, 2011.
We have been sincerely blessed by the love and joyous reactions we have already experienced with many of you. It has made the experience that much more enjoyable and exciting to get to share this news time and time again. We feel so blessed and loved!
We have made quite a few phone calls and we get a lot of the same questions. Here are some of the most commonly asked questions that I have done my best to answer:
Do you have a name yet?
- No, not yet. Not because we don't want to tell anyone. Simply because we can't decide. Bertha or Agnes? You should really help us figure out this nail-biting decision between two obviously stellar selections. :) We will be sure and let everyone know the final name when we have it, which is likely going to be after we see her. We already received a front-runner nominee from our friend Tyler: Blood-Diesel Megabeard Ainley
So, you know, we REALLY appreciate your suggestions.
Is this a set-in-stone deal?
- There is always the possibility that the birth mother can change her mind. That is simply a reality of the situation. However, our adoption agency has indicated that this mother has remained emotionally disconnected from the process, which means she will likely stick with her decision. They have the feeling she will not likely change her mind.
How long will we be in Georgia?
- We will fly out on either the 29th or 30th of August and we will board the plane late enough in the day so that it is midnight in Georgia and the birth mother's rights are terminated. We will sign papers upon arrival right away and the papers are sent to Washington and Georgia where they are approved, which can take 1-2 days. We have been told to plan on being in Georgia for 5 days.
What is your financial status for raising funds?
- Well, this is an incredible question to answer! We have been so generously blessed by SO many of you who have given money to the cause. We have also been stashing away as much money as possible over the past year and we have $16,000 raised. I spoke with Debbie yesterday and we now owe the agency $2,000 and we will owe an additional $17,250 when we arrive. There will also be the cost to fly there, get a rental car, stay in a hotel and buy food. So, the total that we are short at this point is roughly $4,500. We will eventually have legal fees with our attorney in Washington to finalize the adoption, but that's something we can address later. What is SO amazing to me is how God has richly blessed us with the $16,000 we already have and I am also amazed because the total is actually $3,000 less than what we were anticipating! Although we are short the $4,500, we are going to trust and I am certain that we will be amazed at the way God provides the rest of the money. If you were looking for a specific area to pray for, this would be a great one!
Are you ready? Meaning, do you have everything you need?
- My mom and I have purchased some of the essentials to get us through the first few weeks and our time down in Georgia. We will be taking it one day at a time, but it looks like we will be just fine heading into the first initial weeks.
What about a baby shower?
- My sister-in-law, Nicole will be hosting a baby shower in September some time and we will keep everyone posted. It will be a great opportunity to meet baby for the first time. If you must know, since several of you have asked, yes we are registered. We are registered at Babies R Us and Cotton Babies.
What are you most looking forward to?
- Holding our daughter for the first time. And then a close second, for me anyway, is to look up and watch my husband's eyes transform into being the father of our daughter. I can't wait.
Well, this is the longest post I've done to date. Like I said in a previous blog, I can tend to get long-winded. But, I make no apologies on this very special day. I'll shout it from the rooftops. We are having a baby girl and we cannot contain our joy and anticipation! Thank you to everyone who has prayed such sincere and faithful prayers for God's blessing on our lives in the form of this little one. Your support has wrapped us up in a blanket of love with each step. We are looking forward to opening that blanket up to our daughter and enveloping her in a legacy of love and joy that comes from Jesus... in just 12 days!
If I could ask one favor, something that would be really special to give to our daughter some day is a booklet of prayers/Bible verses from the friends and family that prayed for her on this day (and other days too!). If you are willing, would you send me just a simple little prayer of blessing over her that I can put into a book for her to read one day? It doesn't have to be elaborate, but it can be if you want to. Please just go ahead and email me at ittybittyainley@gmail.com. It would be so much to me!
God bless you all!
Momma AA
PS - Since no one was there when I reacted to the news, I took a voice memo just minutes after I heard the news. It's kind of funny and it's the most sincere thing I've ever recorded in my life. I've attached it below if you care to take a listen.
Listen Here
"Thursday?" I said.
"Yes, Thursday, as in two days from now," she said.
As my mind started reeling in this new information, my limbs from head to toe started tingling. It felt somewhat like being doused with ice water and set on fire at the same time. As the facts of the conversation spilled out from Debbie, our representative at our adoption agency in Georgia, I allowed my wildly spinning thoughts to latch onto just a few of the words as I mindlessly wrote down details. Words like "baby girl" and "born this Thursday" and "matched."
So, today I have the unbelievable pleasure of announcing that Tim and I will become parents to a baby girl in less than two weeks. Our baby girl, our daughter, will be born in Augusta, Georgia either via induced labor or c-section on Thursday, August 18th, 2011. The birth mother, Thalia, will sign the paperwork on either Friday or Saturday, which will determine when we depart for Georgia. We will leave for Georgia on either the evening of the 29th of August or the evening of the 30th.
I am quite convinced that words simply cannot sum up the joy that is running through my veins. I'm overwhelmed, overjoyed, deeply thankful and also a little terrified. We will launch right into being Mom and Dad in less than two weeks. I sit here looking at my calendar and in two weeks I have a book club meeting planned. I'm sure I was also thinking about what my grocery plans would be for the week and if we would plan a dinner with some friends that week. It makes me smile and giggle a little thinking about how God must have been smiling when I jotted down "Book Club Movie Night" on my calendar for August 30th, knowing in his omniscient way that I'd be in a hotel room in Atlanta, Georgia holding my newborn baby girl in my arms for the very first time.
I was just telling my dear friend Cambria last weekend how I finally feel like I have arrived at a place of peace with the adoption process. I suppose I arrived simply because I knew that if I continued to cling to what I would consider "control" I would only continue to suffer. I have to release the process into His hands and it really wasn't until last week that I felt like I fully let go. Isn't it funny how God plans things perfectly like that? If you would have asked me a week ago if I thought it was funny, God's timing, I'd probably have said, "No, not very funny at all. Frustrating is what I'd call it."
I'm in awe of God's mercy and grace, despite my reoccurring tantrums to "Gimme, gimme, gimme!" He has been patient with me and I can only imagine how excited He has been to share this moment with Tim and I all along. All I can do is turn to Him in gratitude and say thanks. Thank you, Jesus, for the outpouring of your blessing and favor on us. I know I am undeserving, but I am so very grateful You love us so much to bless us with a baby girl... and so quickly!
Speaking of quickly, suddenly all those things I felt were completed ages ago don't seem so complete. The nursery has so much to complete, I don't have any diapers, I don't have baby wipes, I have to get formula. How do I know what formula she will like? How do I know if she will be allergic to anything? How will I know her favorite way to be held? How will I know if she will even like wearing pink? What bottle will help prevent her from suffering colic? AHHHHHH!
Okay, deep breaths. I realize I need to take this one day at a time. But I suddenly feel so unprepared, so not-ready, so incompetent and unfit to be a mother! This is about the time I'd like to say I am internally panicking at the thought of taking on that kind of responsibility. Underneath all the excitement and joy is also a little bit of terror rumbling through me.
Well, I suppose that all I do know is that I'm ready to meet her and hold her. I already love her. So, I suppose that's just about the best place to begin. I will be grateful for the support and advice I receive from all my friends who are experienced moms.
It has been a thrill to tell our families. We told my parents yesterday, who were both shocked and excited, and then drove up to Seattle with my parents to spill the beans to Tim's parents. We were in their home when they arrived home, a little surprised to see us. But, you see, the Ainley crew is a very go-with-the-flow type of family, so they jumped right in to greeting us happily. It wasn't until we asked the question while holding up a cute pink gDiaper, "How do you think this would look on our daughter?" that the shock flashed across their faces. It was a joyous and memorable moment I'll keep treasured in the time capsule that will always be August 16th, 2011.
We have been sincerely blessed by the love and joyous reactions we have already experienced with many of you. It has made the experience that much more enjoyable and exciting to get to share this news time and time again. We feel so blessed and loved!
We have made quite a few phone calls and we get a lot of the same questions. Here are some of the most commonly asked questions that I have done my best to answer:
Do you have a name yet?
- No, not yet. Not because we don't want to tell anyone. Simply because we can't decide. Bertha or Agnes? You should really help us figure out this nail-biting decision between two obviously stellar selections. :) We will be sure and let everyone know the final name when we have it, which is likely going to be after we see her. We already received a front-runner nominee from our friend Tyler: Blood-Diesel Megabeard Ainley
So, you know, we REALLY appreciate your suggestions.
Is this a set-in-stone deal?
- There is always the possibility that the birth mother can change her mind. That is simply a reality of the situation. However, our adoption agency has indicated that this mother has remained emotionally disconnected from the process, which means she will likely stick with her decision. They have the feeling she will not likely change her mind.
How long will we be in Georgia?
- We will fly out on either the 29th or 30th of August and we will board the plane late enough in the day so that it is midnight in Georgia and the birth mother's rights are terminated. We will sign papers upon arrival right away and the papers are sent to Washington and Georgia where they are approved, which can take 1-2 days. We have been told to plan on being in Georgia for 5 days.
What is your financial status for raising funds?
- Well, this is an incredible question to answer! We have been so generously blessed by SO many of you who have given money to the cause. We have also been stashing away as much money as possible over the past year and we have $16,000 raised. I spoke with Debbie yesterday and we now owe the agency $2,000 and we will owe an additional $17,250 when we arrive. There will also be the cost to fly there, get a rental car, stay in a hotel and buy food. So, the total that we are short at this point is roughly $4,500. We will eventually have legal fees with our attorney in Washington to finalize the adoption, but that's something we can address later. What is SO amazing to me is how God has richly blessed us with the $16,000 we already have and I am also amazed because the total is actually $3,000 less than what we were anticipating! Although we are short the $4,500, we are going to trust and I am certain that we will be amazed at the way God provides the rest of the money. If you were looking for a specific area to pray for, this would be a great one!
Are you ready? Meaning, do you have everything you need?
- My mom and I have purchased some of the essentials to get us through the first few weeks and our time down in Georgia. We will be taking it one day at a time, but it looks like we will be just fine heading into the first initial weeks.
What about a baby shower?
- My sister-in-law, Nicole will be hosting a baby shower in September some time and we will keep everyone posted. It will be a great opportunity to meet baby for the first time. If you must know, since several of you have asked, yes we are registered. We are registered at Babies R Us and Cotton Babies.
What are you most looking forward to?
- Holding our daughter for the first time. And then a close second, for me anyway, is to look up and watch my husband's eyes transform into being the father of our daughter. I can't wait.
Well, this is the longest post I've done to date. Like I said in a previous blog, I can tend to get long-winded. But, I make no apologies on this very special day. I'll shout it from the rooftops. We are having a baby girl and we cannot contain our joy and anticipation! Thank you to everyone who has prayed such sincere and faithful prayers for God's blessing on our lives in the form of this little one. Your support has wrapped us up in a blanket of love with each step. We are looking forward to opening that blanket up to our daughter and enveloping her in a legacy of love and joy that comes from Jesus... in just 12 days!
If I could ask one favor, something that would be really special to give to our daughter some day is a booklet of prayers/Bible verses from the friends and family that prayed for her on this day (and other days too!). If you are willing, would you send me just a simple little prayer of blessing over her that I can put into a book for her to read one day? It doesn't have to be elaborate, but it can be if you want to. Please just go ahead and email me at ittybittyainley@gmail.com. It would be so much to me!
God bless you all!
Momma AA
PS - Since no one was there when I reacted to the news, I took a voice memo just minutes after I heard the news. It's kind of funny and it's the most sincere thing I've ever recorded in my life. I've attached it below if you care to take a listen.
Listen Here
Monday, June 20, 2011
Summertime and the Living is Easy
Fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high. Your daddy's rich and your ma is good lookin', so hush little baby, don't you cry.
Ah yes, summertime. A little Ella Fitzgerald on vinyl, windows open, swinging barefoot on our porch with some sweet tea. Now that's where I want to be all day long.
Happy summer to you all. It is officially summer as of tomorrow (June 21st) and it's been a while since I posted a blog non-adoption-related. So, in lieu of the changing of seasons, I figured what the hay? Speaking of hay, has anyone suffered from hay feaver like crazy this year? I surely have. Normally I'm not much of an allergy victim, but this year I've seen my fair share of sneezes and itchy eyes.
You know what else this season is? The dads and grads season. Well, I suppose it is on its way out now, since fathers day was on Sunday. But, this season always brings about a specific pet peeve of mine that I just need to get off my chest. This is the season where people forget how to spell the word congratulations. Doesn't that bother anyone else? It's wonderful to have a graduate in the home, but let's not forget that we, too, once graduated and learned that congratulations is spelled with a "t" and not a "d" (congradulations...I mean come on!). If we really want to get creative, let's combine all three and just say condadulations. That way we knock out the congrats, the grads and the dads. Badabing!
Speaking of daduation–I mean graduation–I had the distinct pleasure of attending my neighbor's high school graduation and I couldn't be more honored to be included in the festivities. I will say, though, the speech given by her principal was odd, and that's putting it mildly. The school mascot is a falcon and his speech focussed on how he was so glad that each one of these graduates seized the opportunity to leave their cages. He even spent a great deal of time talking about how it was too bad that some students chose not to leave their cages. And how, it's true, we all must leave our cages and fly out into the great beyond. It's so important that we make the decision to leave our cages and fly beyond high school and learn new things. So, go on you graduates, leave the cage you're in. Be cage-free. Kick the cage. Go beyond the cage. Be cageless.
Wow, WOW! Okay, first of all, I may be exaggerating his use of the word "cage" but I am not exaggerating the gist of his message. Good grief Mr. Principal, did you go to the zoo too many times as a child? You do realize that cages are by no means a falcon's natural habitat. So, the analogy of all of us needing to leave our falcony cages is ridiculous. Secondly, you seem awfully bitter about some students not leaving their cages, which I can only assume means they dropped out. Perhaps you should have used a better suited phrase like: "It's really too bad that some of you fell out of your cages." That would have been more fitting.
Anyhow, it was an interesting speech, and he certainly gave it with gusto, so I have to give him credit for that. Even if it made no sense at all and even if left falcons everywhere inspired to avoid cages, especially in close proximity to this individual.
Anyone else feel a little bit snubbed by the sun? I mean, really. It's as if the sun is playing an awful trick. Like it won't come out of its cage or something. I don't know why that stunning analogy just came to me but it is the truth. The sun is in its' cage and I want to know, why won't it come out and be free!? I have strawberries green and piddly huddled under their leaves begging for sunshine to no avail. Makes me sad seeing all the potential of the luscious fruits and sunshiny fun that isn't being had, all because the sun doesn't want to play fair. Did the sun not get the memo that summer is officially tomorrow? Perhaps we should send a falcon to tell it.
Well, that's enough random musings for now. Enjoy the cloudy weather that is apparently supposed to be summer. I'll pop back in later when I am a jamming fool. Not the reggae type, more the pectin and fruit type.
I be jammin!
AA
Just for fun, I included my college graduation photo. The poor quality is because I scanned it from an itty bitty sample given to me by the photographer on a piece of paper. Call me cheap but I didn't feel like paying $100 for a pack of wallet-sized photos consisting of me in a drape with a goofy square on my head.
Ah yes, summertime. A little Ella Fitzgerald on vinyl, windows open, swinging barefoot on our porch with some sweet tea. Now that's where I want to be all day long.
Happy summer to you all. It is officially summer as of tomorrow (June 21st) and it's been a while since I posted a blog non-adoption-related. So, in lieu of the changing of seasons, I figured what the hay? Speaking of hay, has anyone suffered from hay feaver like crazy this year? I surely have. Normally I'm not much of an allergy victim, but this year I've seen my fair share of sneezes and itchy eyes.
You know what else this season is? The dads and grads season. Well, I suppose it is on its way out now, since fathers day was on Sunday. But, this season always brings about a specific pet peeve of mine that I just need to get off my chest. This is the season where people forget how to spell the word congratulations. Doesn't that bother anyone else? It's wonderful to have a graduate in the home, but let's not forget that we, too, once graduated and learned that congratulations is spelled with a "t" and not a "d" (congradulations...I mean come on!). If we really want to get creative, let's combine all three and just say condadulations. That way we knock out the congrats, the grads and the dads. Badabing!
Speaking of daduation–I mean graduation–I had the distinct pleasure of attending my neighbor's high school graduation and I couldn't be more honored to be included in the festivities. I will say, though, the speech given by her principal was odd, and that's putting it mildly. The school mascot is a falcon and his speech focussed on how he was so glad that each one of these graduates seized the opportunity to leave their cages. He even spent a great deal of time talking about how it was too bad that some students chose not to leave their cages. And how, it's true, we all must leave our cages and fly out into the great beyond. It's so important that we make the decision to leave our cages and fly beyond high school and learn new things. So, go on you graduates, leave the cage you're in. Be cage-free. Kick the cage. Go beyond the cage. Be cageless.
Wow, WOW! Okay, first of all, I may be exaggerating his use of the word "cage" but I am not exaggerating the gist of his message. Good grief Mr. Principal, did you go to the zoo too many times as a child? You do realize that cages are by no means a falcon's natural habitat. So, the analogy of all of us needing to leave our falcony cages is ridiculous. Secondly, you seem awfully bitter about some students not leaving their cages, which I can only assume means they dropped out. Perhaps you should have used a better suited phrase like: "It's really too bad that some of you fell out of your cages." That would have been more fitting.
Anyhow, it was an interesting speech, and he certainly gave it with gusto, so I have to give him credit for that. Even if it made no sense at all and even if left falcons everywhere inspired to avoid cages, especially in close proximity to this individual.
Anyone else feel a little bit snubbed by the sun? I mean, really. It's as if the sun is playing an awful trick. Like it won't come out of its cage or something. I don't know why that stunning analogy just came to me but it is the truth. The sun is in its' cage and I want to know, why won't it come out and be free!? I have strawberries green and piddly huddled under their leaves begging for sunshine to no avail. Makes me sad seeing all the potential of the luscious fruits and sunshiny fun that isn't being had, all because the sun doesn't want to play fair. Did the sun not get the memo that summer is officially tomorrow? Perhaps we should send a falcon to tell it.
Well, that's enough random musings for now. Enjoy the cloudy weather that is apparently supposed to be summer. I'll pop back in later when I am a jamming fool. Not the reggae type, more the pectin and fruit type.
I be jammin!
AA
Just for fun, I included my college graduation photo. The poor quality is because I scanned it from an itty bitty sample given to me by the photographer on a piece of paper. Call me cheap but I didn't feel like paying $100 for a pack of wallet-sized photos consisting of me in a drape with a goofy square on my head.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Adoption - Day 312
A sunny day came swooping in this weekend and it lifted my spirits so high, so high I could fly. Like a bird in the sky. I know you won't believe this, but I came up with that little diddy on the spot. Yes, I can send you a personalized photograph with that lyric if you want.
It's nearly summer and I really must say that I couldn't be more pleased with the season ahead. I've always been a lover of the rain, but it's simply become too much of a good thing. My mood seems to shift when the weather continues to drone on and on in its boohoo-woe-is-me kind of way.
But, enough about the weather. I don't have any news. So, ya'll can check out now while I emotionally vomit into my blog. :) No, really, I don't have much to say other than we are still waiting for the good news to smack us in the face. We've had a lot of people ask about the possibility of switching agencies. I think our friends are getting impatient, too. The truth is, we may consider looking at more local agencies just to keep our options open, but we aren't ready to jump ship from our Georgia agency. We are still well within their average range to be matched of 3-6 months. We are in our 4th month of being on the waiting list, so we don't have a thing to complain about in that sense.
I will say this, I have been tested quite a bit lately–emotionally, spiritually and physically. It's as if there is this unseen war waging and my attitude and my hope are at stake. I have had a number of things test my ability to continue to trust God's plan and His ultimate care of my heart and my dreams. It is in times like these that I am so thankful I have hidden the truth in my heart to thwart any attempts to bring me down and cause me to give up. I know He cares. He isn't picking on me.
It's interesting, actually. God has been using unique ways to remind me of that very thing, that he cares deeply for me. Just yesterday I was teaching Sunday School at my church and the lesson was on Moses. More specifically, it was about his mother. She took an incredible leap of faith by crafting a waterproof basket, placing her 3-month-old son into the basket and then letting him drift down the Nile river in hopes of keeping him safe from the slaughter ordered by Pharaoh. It's incredible thinking about the courage of this mother and the indescribable pain it must have caused to submit her son to the currents of the Nile. Of course, she knew she wasn't leaving him in the hands of the Nile alone, she trusted that God would take care of him and watch over him. She trusted God with her most precious gift. As the story goes, Moses ends up becoming a regular biblical superhero.
It was a nice reminder for me that I need to do just that. Although I do not have a physical child to hold and let go of, I have to approach this process in a similar way. The process is not mine to control. Just like this mother couldn't control the currents of the Nile, I can't control the timing of a baby coming into our lives. On a daily basis I give it my best effort, but realize that I am powerless. God has this thing completely mapped out. It's a hard truth to swallow when I see fertility blessing my friends abundantly around me. But it is what I cling to. I posted this on my Facebook a few weeks ago and applied to circumstance I still deal with today, but it remains true in every area. You could just as easily swap out grief for hardships or confusion...
Today it is hope that is my anchor. I surely do not understand why grief washes up on the shores of my heart, but I am confident of this: My Jesus delights in me and he will grant me peace. I have cast all my nets into the sea of the unfailing, unceasing love of Christ.
Thanks, as always, for tuning in. I wish I had more exciting news to give you. Hoping that I get to soon. For now, I'm going to enjoy the sunshine peeking through my window.
AA
PS - I WILL have a posting about canning coming up, because it's been a while since I posted a non-adoption-related posting. And, for goodness sakes, I'm not all doom and gloom around here.
It's nearly summer and I really must say that I couldn't be more pleased with the season ahead. I've always been a lover of the rain, but it's simply become too much of a good thing. My mood seems to shift when the weather continues to drone on and on in its boohoo-woe-is-me kind of way.
But, enough about the weather. I don't have any news. So, ya'll can check out now while I emotionally vomit into my blog. :) No, really, I don't have much to say other than we are still waiting for the good news to smack us in the face. We've had a lot of people ask about the possibility of switching agencies. I think our friends are getting impatient, too. The truth is, we may consider looking at more local agencies just to keep our options open, but we aren't ready to jump ship from our Georgia agency. We are still well within their average range to be matched of 3-6 months. We are in our 4th month of being on the waiting list, so we don't have a thing to complain about in that sense.
I will say this, I have been tested quite a bit lately–emotionally, spiritually and physically. It's as if there is this unseen war waging and my attitude and my hope are at stake. I have had a number of things test my ability to continue to trust God's plan and His ultimate care of my heart and my dreams. It is in times like these that I am so thankful I have hidden the truth in my heart to thwart any attempts to bring me down and cause me to give up. I know He cares. He isn't picking on me.
It's interesting, actually. God has been using unique ways to remind me of that very thing, that he cares deeply for me. Just yesterday I was teaching Sunday School at my church and the lesson was on Moses. More specifically, it was about his mother. She took an incredible leap of faith by crafting a waterproof basket, placing her 3-month-old son into the basket and then letting him drift down the Nile river in hopes of keeping him safe from the slaughter ordered by Pharaoh. It's incredible thinking about the courage of this mother and the indescribable pain it must have caused to submit her son to the currents of the Nile. Of course, she knew she wasn't leaving him in the hands of the Nile alone, she trusted that God would take care of him and watch over him. She trusted God with her most precious gift. As the story goes, Moses ends up becoming a regular biblical superhero.
It was a nice reminder for me that I need to do just that. Although I do not have a physical child to hold and let go of, I have to approach this process in a similar way. The process is not mine to control. Just like this mother couldn't control the currents of the Nile, I can't control the timing of a baby coming into our lives. On a daily basis I give it my best effort, but realize that I am powerless. God has this thing completely mapped out. It's a hard truth to swallow when I see fertility blessing my friends abundantly around me. But it is what I cling to. I posted this on my Facebook a few weeks ago and applied to circumstance I still deal with today, but it remains true in every area. You could just as easily swap out grief for hardships or confusion...
Today it is hope that is my anchor. I surely do not understand why grief washes up on the shores of my heart, but I am confident of this: My Jesus delights in me and he will grant me peace. I have cast all my nets into the sea of the unfailing, unceasing love of Christ.
Thanks, as always, for tuning in. I wish I had more exciting news to give you. Hoping that I get to soon. For now, I'm going to enjoy the sunshine peeking through my window.
AA
PS - I WILL have a posting about canning coming up, because it's been a while since I posted a non-adoption-related posting. And, for goodness sakes, I'm not all doom and gloom around here.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Adoption - Day 291
Just a quick update today.
We just had the second half of our garage sale extravaganza on Saturday and our total money raised across both Saturdays is... (insert drum roll here)...$2,200!!!
We were amazed by the generosity of so many people. I wish that I could tell you all the stories, because we had so many people tell us how adoption has touched their lives in some way. We had so many people literally hand us money for the cause. I was overwhelmed by the generosity.
If you came by to see us either Saturday, I want you to know how much it really means to both of us. You are now officially part of our adoption story. Like it or not! Thank you for blessing us.
I couldn't help but allow the generosity and kindness to wash over me. I kept thinking of how unworthy we are of such blessing. God has richly blessed every step of the way along this journey. Although it is very easy for me to be impatient and long for control of the situation, I realize that the less control I have and the more patient I am, the more I get to simply sit back and allow God to wash more and more blessings over us. He has this whole process taken care of. He knows how it will end and I can trust that.
To date we now have raised and saved a total of $14,600! That means we have $7,000 - $9,000 to go. That may seem like a daunting task, but I have complete faith that God will provide for us in miraculous ways. I mean, He has already, so why not anticipate that He will continue to?
It seems so, I don't know, not enough to simply post a blog to say thanks to everyone who gave us items for the garage sale, came out to see us and gave us money for the items or gave us money just because. I suppose that's all I can do, but I hope that in between the lines of this text you can see that my gratitude comes from the most sincere heart.
I wish that I had more news to update you with on the process. All I can say is that we have been on the waiting list for 3 1/2 months. That is right in the average wait time of 3-6 months, so we can't complain. I will be sure and update you all just as soon as we have any more information. Thank you for walking this journey with us.
Much love and gratitude,
AA
PS - Congrats to the raffle winner, Sarah Epp!!
We just had the second half of our garage sale extravaganza on Saturday and our total money raised across both Saturdays is... (insert drum roll here)...$2,200!!!
We were amazed by the generosity of so many people. I wish that I could tell you all the stories, because we had so many people tell us how adoption has touched their lives in some way. We had so many people literally hand us money for the cause. I was overwhelmed by the generosity.
If you came by to see us either Saturday, I want you to know how much it really means to both of us. You are now officially part of our adoption story. Like it or not! Thank you for blessing us.
I couldn't help but allow the generosity and kindness to wash over me. I kept thinking of how unworthy we are of such blessing. God has richly blessed every step of the way along this journey. Although it is very easy for me to be impatient and long for control of the situation, I realize that the less control I have and the more patient I am, the more I get to simply sit back and allow God to wash more and more blessings over us. He has this whole process taken care of. He knows how it will end and I can trust that.
To date we now have raised and saved a total of $14,600! That means we have $7,000 - $9,000 to go. That may seem like a daunting task, but I have complete faith that God will provide for us in miraculous ways. I mean, He has already, so why not anticipate that He will continue to?
It seems so, I don't know, not enough to simply post a blog to say thanks to everyone who gave us items for the garage sale, came out to see us and gave us money for the items or gave us money just because. I suppose that's all I can do, but I hope that in between the lines of this text you can see that my gratitude comes from the most sincere heart.
I wish that I had more news to update you with on the process. All I can say is that we have been on the waiting list for 3 1/2 months. That is right in the average wait time of 3-6 months, so we can't complain. I will be sure and update you all just as soon as we have any more information. Thank you for walking this journey with us.
Much love and gratitude,
AA
PS - Congrats to the raffle winner, Sarah Epp!!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Adoption - Day 280
Greetings to you all and a very happy Cinco de Mayo!
Coming up this weekend, as many of you know, is our big garage sale, with another to follow on May 14th. We have a garage filled with amazing things that have been generously given by so many families. The photo at the bottom of the blog is of our garage. Nevermind that my parents' garage has a similar view.
We have been making signs, gathering tents and sticker pricing for the last two weeks and all I can say is that I am looking forward to having our home return to normal. I'm looking forward to no longer having to walk around the block just to get into my vehicle parked in the driveway.
One thing that we have heavily advertised is that this is a fundraising garage sale for our adoption. Yes, it's on every sign and in every ad we have placed. We will be posting our story of adoption at the checkout table and, since I have to write the story for the poster anyway, I thought I'd post it for all of you. This is just in case you've never heard the whole story, or this is your first time visiting the blog. So, grab a cup 'o Joe, a muffin and settle in:
Once upon a time...in a land far far away. Well, in Santa Cruz, California, so not really all that far. There were two young people, engaged to be married and move to Seattle. After moving to Seattle, there was a knock on the door and their hearts to move southward to the Portland area where Ashley's family resides.
Just prior to leaving Seattle, in the spring of 2008, Ashley happened to mention to Tim that she "pulled the goalie." This meant that she stopped taking the pill. Tim was alarmed and surprised, but after much discussion, they agreed that they would begin the process of trying to have a baby.
They tried and tried for months without success. So, Ashley went to the doctor in December of 2008 and was given an arm full of medicines and techniques and ideas to try at home. A full year of medicines, techniques and ideas left Ashley (and Tim) feeling disappointed and exhausted from the endless mood swings and bodily changes.
After 6 more months of non-medicinal attempts to have a baby, they decided that it was time to pursue adoption. You see, adoption was always in their minds and hearts because they both come from families with adopted mothers. Tim also has five Korean adopted aunts and uncles. So, needless to say, adoption was very near and dear to their hearts from the beginning. It took Ashley more time to warm to the idea of adoption because the last thing she would want was to feel like adoption was second best, or a replacement for biological children. She wanted to equally yearn for an adopted child as she would a biological one.
In August of 2010, Tim and Ashley felt God's call to move forward and leapt into the process of adoption by deciding on an adoption agency in Georgia. Because they have a beautiful mixed niece, they decided to adopt through the African American program to give their niece a cousin to confide in and share life with in a capacity that they wouldn't be able to understand.
They officially landed on the waiting list in January and it has been 3 1/2 months of waiting patiently and, really, that's all they can do. So, they anxiously await the day when they get to bring itty bitty Ainley home. For now, they prepare their hearts and their home for that very special day.
The Process: All paperwork, known as the official "homestudy" is completed and turned into the adoption agency for approval. Approval is given to the adoptive family and they are placed on the waitlist. The waitlist is a waiting list for a pregnant mother to select a family from for her unborn child. The pregnant mother selects a family in her 7th month of pregnancy or later, so the adoptive family does not have much time to prepare once they are matched with a mother. The reason for this is to reduce the chances that the mother changes her mind, opting not to adopt out her child, which is a very painful decision for the adoptive parent. Once a pregnant mother selects the family, and the family accepts the selection, she is given up until 10 days after birth to change her mind.
The adoptive parents will not meet the new baby until day 11, so as to avoid any attachment to a child that is not officially, law-bindingly, their child.
The Cost: $22,000 - $24,000
- This includes all legal fees, birth mother's medical expenses, home study fees, and agency fees.
How much has been raised/saved to date: $13,000
------
All I can say is that it's far too hard to talk in third person. Especially when she's sleepy, I mean...I'm sleepy. I don't know anymore who is she or we or me.
Before I fall asleep with my head on the keyboard and end up typing something like asdbhguwegawlg iga;regh erga unintentionally, I must bid you all adieu. I will check back in after the garage sale and give an update on its success. If you are in the area, I hope that we get to see your smiling face!
Adios!
AA
Here is one of the songs from the Lullaby CD that I have been working on with my friend Aaron Ankrom. It's just a little somethin something for our baby.
Coming up this weekend, as many of you know, is our big garage sale, with another to follow on May 14th. We have a garage filled with amazing things that have been generously given by so many families. The photo at the bottom of the blog is of our garage. Nevermind that my parents' garage has a similar view.
We have been making signs, gathering tents and sticker pricing for the last two weeks and all I can say is that I am looking forward to having our home return to normal. I'm looking forward to no longer having to walk around the block just to get into my vehicle parked in the driveway.
One thing that we have heavily advertised is that this is a fundraising garage sale for our adoption. Yes, it's on every sign and in every ad we have placed. We will be posting our story of adoption at the checkout table and, since I have to write the story for the poster anyway, I thought I'd post it for all of you. This is just in case you've never heard the whole story, or this is your first time visiting the blog. So, grab a cup 'o Joe, a muffin and settle in:
Once upon a time...in a land far far away. Well, in Santa Cruz, California, so not really all that far. There were two young people, engaged to be married and move to Seattle. After moving to Seattle, there was a knock on the door and their hearts to move southward to the Portland area where Ashley's family resides.
Just prior to leaving Seattle, in the spring of 2008, Ashley happened to mention to Tim that she "pulled the goalie." This meant that she stopped taking the pill. Tim was alarmed and surprised, but after much discussion, they agreed that they would begin the process of trying to have a baby.
They tried and tried for months without success. So, Ashley went to the doctor in December of 2008 and was given an arm full of medicines and techniques and ideas to try at home. A full year of medicines, techniques and ideas left Ashley (and Tim) feeling disappointed and exhausted from the endless mood swings and bodily changes.
After 6 more months of non-medicinal attempts to have a baby, they decided that it was time to pursue adoption. You see, adoption was always in their minds and hearts because they both come from families with adopted mothers. Tim also has five Korean adopted aunts and uncles. So, needless to say, adoption was very near and dear to their hearts from the beginning. It took Ashley more time to warm to the idea of adoption because the last thing she would want was to feel like adoption was second best, or a replacement for biological children. She wanted to equally yearn for an adopted child as she would a biological one.
In August of 2010, Tim and Ashley felt God's call to move forward and leapt into the process of adoption by deciding on an adoption agency in Georgia. Because they have a beautiful mixed niece, they decided to adopt through the African American program to give their niece a cousin to confide in and share life with in a capacity that they wouldn't be able to understand.
They officially landed on the waiting list in January and it has been 3 1/2 months of waiting patiently and, really, that's all they can do. So, they anxiously await the day when they get to bring itty bitty Ainley home. For now, they prepare their hearts and their home for that very special day.
The Process: All paperwork, known as the official "homestudy" is completed and turned into the adoption agency for approval. Approval is given to the adoptive family and they are placed on the waitlist. The waitlist is a waiting list for a pregnant mother to select a family from for her unborn child. The pregnant mother selects a family in her 7th month of pregnancy or later, so the adoptive family does not have much time to prepare once they are matched with a mother. The reason for this is to reduce the chances that the mother changes her mind, opting not to adopt out her child, which is a very painful decision for the adoptive parent. Once a pregnant mother selects the family, and the family accepts the selection, she is given up until 10 days after birth to change her mind.
The adoptive parents will not meet the new baby until day 11, so as to avoid any attachment to a child that is not officially, law-bindingly, their child.
The Cost: $22,000 - $24,000
- This includes all legal fees, birth mother's medical expenses, home study fees, and agency fees.
How much has been raised/saved to date: $13,000
------
All I can say is that it's far too hard to talk in third person. Especially when she's sleepy, I mean...I'm sleepy. I don't know anymore who is she or we or me.
Before I fall asleep with my head on the keyboard and end up typing something like asdbhguwegawlg iga;regh erga unintentionally, I must bid you all adieu. I will check back in after the garage sale and give an update on its success. If you are in the area, I hope that we get to see your smiling face!
Adios!
AA
Here is one of the songs from the Lullaby CD that I have been working on with my friend Aaron Ankrom. It's just a little somethin something for our baby.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Adoption - Day 263
Here's shorty for now.
For those of you who are new to my blog... we are adopting! If you need a recap on where we are at, please feel free to peruse my old posts. Yes, we have been in the process now for 263 days! In some ways time has flown by, in others it's really been crawling.
We have consistently been blown away by how God has immensely blessed us throughout this process. He has made it very clear that this is right where He wants us and He continues to pour out His financial blessing as we inch our way closer to raising the funds to make the adoption process possible. We just surpassed the half-way mark last month, thanks to some very generous family and friends.
In an effort to raise more funds, we have put together a seriously killer garage sale. We've been collecting stuff for over 6 months. If you have given us stuff, thank you thank you! It's really amazing.
Even if you have no desire to purchase anything at the sale, we'd still love to see your smiling face. We will be hanging out on May 7th 9am - 3pm and May 14th 9am - 3pm in the back alley of our house (sounds sketchy, but really it isn't). We are located in the Battle Ground Village. We are right near the entry, so you couldn't miss us, even if you tried. We'd find you.
We'll have raffle, baked goods, music, laughter and lots of fun. I really hope to see you there.
If you can't make it, but you want to help raise funds, have no fear! You can help us by donating directly to the Itty Bitty Ainley Fund. To the right ----> you will see a blurb about Paypal and such. If you are thinking about doing this, please, you MUST know... that we are ever so grateful!!! It means so so much to us.
Well, that's all I have for now. Thanks for tuning in. More exciting updates to come!
-A.A.
Find garage sales
in Battle Ground, WA.
For those of you who are new to my blog... we are adopting! If you need a recap on where we are at, please feel free to peruse my old posts. Yes, we have been in the process now for 263 days! In some ways time has flown by, in others it's really been crawling.
We have consistently been blown away by how God has immensely blessed us throughout this process. He has made it very clear that this is right where He wants us and He continues to pour out His financial blessing as we inch our way closer to raising the funds to make the adoption process possible. We just surpassed the half-way mark last month, thanks to some very generous family and friends.
In an effort to raise more funds, we have put together a seriously killer garage sale. We've been collecting stuff for over 6 months. If you have given us stuff, thank you thank you! It's really amazing.
Even if you have no desire to purchase anything at the sale, we'd still love to see your smiling face. We will be hanging out on May 7th 9am - 3pm and May 14th 9am - 3pm in the back alley of our house (sounds sketchy, but really it isn't). We are located in the Battle Ground Village. We are right near the entry, so you couldn't miss us, even if you tried. We'd find you.
We'll have raffle, baked goods, music, laughter and lots of fun. I really hope to see you there.
If you can't make it, but you want to help raise funds, have no fear! You can help us by donating directly to the Itty Bitty Ainley Fund. To the right ----> you will see a blurb about Paypal and such. If you are thinking about doing this, please, you MUST know... that we are ever so grateful!!! It means so so much to us.
Well, that's all I have for now. Thanks for tuning in. More exciting updates to come!
-A.A.
Find garage sales
in Battle Ground, WA.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Adoption - Day 240
Greetings all.
Well, we heard back from our adoption agency today regarding the mother who is pregnant with a baby girl and is due on April 25th. She chose another family just this week.
It's reasonable to say I'm disappointed and it's easy to allow the "Why not me" flurry of questions to swarm my thoughts, but when I got in the shower this morning, I kid you not, God gave me a gift of a song to encourage me. I was hoping to be able to share the song with my playlist, but it doesn't seem to be up on playlist.com. Here are some of the words:
"Before you let your circumstance tell you how the story ends. Know that His word says you can stand. He'll cover you with His grace. Everything you need is in your hands, so lift up your hands and sing... All things are working for me. Even things I can't see. Your ways are so beyond me. But you said that you would, let it be for my good. So I'll rest and just believe. The truth is He cannot lie, I'm in His hands and I'm on his mind, promised me He'd always be there, so by faith He will answer my prayer"
I tell you what. I sure don't see how this is going to pan out. I have no idea how long we will have to be patient. What I do know is that in moments when I feel disappointed, my faith with remain and I will trust that all things, all things are working for my good. So, if that means I'm going to need to be patient for a year, two years, I'll do it. Doesn't mean it won't hurt like crazy. It just means I won't have to go it alone.
I also really like this Rich Mullins song (I know, old school) that has a lyric that says "People say maybe things will get better. People say maybe it won't be long. People say maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be gone. I only know that maybe just ain't enough when you need something to hold on to. There's only one thing that is clear. I know there is bound to come some trouble to [my] life. But that ain't nothing to be afraid of. I know there's bound to come some tears in [my] eyes...just reach out to Jesus, hold on tight. He's been there before and He knows what it's like. [I'll] find He's there."
Yep. That's what I have to say today. Call me preachy, but in my pain and in this struggle and longing to become a mother, I cannot help but shout from the rooftops what keeps me optimistic, what keeps me going, what lifts me up.
On another note, there are some anti-abortion laws that are on the move. HALLELUJAH! (See news story here). I can't help but rejoice when the murder of innocent victims is re-evaluated by our government and progress is made to end thoughtless slaughter.
And...on another note. I got some fabric for the curtains in my bedroom. I am thrilled about them! I've posted photos below of what's to come. Now to sew them. :)
Sorry so heavy today, folks. Not my normal skippity doo dah self, I suppose.
I'm sure next time I will have a more upbeat post about SPRING! Because I love spring! More things to come.
AA
Well, we heard back from our adoption agency today regarding the mother who is pregnant with a baby girl and is due on April 25th. She chose another family just this week.
It's reasonable to say I'm disappointed and it's easy to allow the "Why not me" flurry of questions to swarm my thoughts, but when I got in the shower this morning, I kid you not, God gave me a gift of a song to encourage me. I was hoping to be able to share the song with my playlist, but it doesn't seem to be up on playlist.com. Here are some of the words:
"Before you let your circumstance tell you how the story ends. Know that His word says you can stand. He'll cover you with His grace. Everything you need is in your hands, so lift up your hands and sing... All things are working for me. Even things I can't see. Your ways are so beyond me. But you said that you would, let it be for my good. So I'll rest and just believe. The truth is He cannot lie, I'm in His hands and I'm on his mind, promised me He'd always be there, so by faith He will answer my prayer"
I tell you what. I sure don't see how this is going to pan out. I have no idea how long we will have to be patient. What I do know is that in moments when I feel disappointed, my faith with remain and I will trust that all things, all things are working for my good. So, if that means I'm going to need to be patient for a year, two years, I'll do it. Doesn't mean it won't hurt like crazy. It just means I won't have to go it alone.
I also really like this Rich Mullins song (I know, old school) that has a lyric that says "People say maybe things will get better. People say maybe it won't be long. People say maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be gone. I only know that maybe just ain't enough when you need something to hold on to. There's only one thing that is clear. I know there is bound to come some trouble to [my] life. But that ain't nothing to be afraid of. I know there's bound to come some tears in [my] eyes...just reach out to Jesus, hold on tight. He's been there before and He knows what it's like. [I'll] find He's there."
Yep. That's what I have to say today. Call me preachy, but in my pain and in this struggle and longing to become a mother, I cannot help but shout from the rooftops what keeps me optimistic, what keeps me going, what lifts me up.
On another note, there are some anti-abortion laws that are on the move. HALLELUJAH! (See news story here). I can't help but rejoice when the murder of innocent victims is re-evaluated by our government and progress is made to end thoughtless slaughter.
And...on another note. I got some fabric for the curtains in my bedroom. I am thrilled about them! I've posted photos below of what's to come. Now to sew them. :)
Sorry so heavy today, folks. Not my normal skippity doo dah self, I suppose.
I'm sure next time I will have a more upbeat post about SPRING! Because I love spring! More things to come.
AA
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Adoption - Day 217
Whether you enjoy March Madness or the luck of the Irish, a very happy March to you!
An update is long overdue, but part of my hesitation is just that there isn't much to say. It would be dull to post weekly: "We're still waiting." So, today I bring some FUN and EXCITING news!
Since I knew a blog update was overdue, I fired off a, as my mom would say, "kick the can down the road" kind of email. I danced around the issue indecisively in my email, but what I really wanted to know was if our family book had been viewed by any mothers. The last time I checked in with her was in January and she had said 8-9 mothers were about ready to make their decision on a family. Of those 8-9 mothers, several of them have transitioned out of the program and have decided to parent their child, which is great news! I always have to celebrate when a mother decides to keep and love their child, even if that pushes out our "due date" further.
But beyond that, here was her response (get ready, because I was seriously so excited I nearly fell out of my chair with glee...yes, if you are wondering, my hopes are already up...so sue me)
From our rep at An Open Door (adoption agency):
"I just told a caseworker to show your book to birth mother expecting a baby girl on April 25th."
Wow. WOW! So, this blog has two-fold purpose. One purpose is to spread that tid-bit of fun news, keeping in mind that she could very well not choose us and that's completely fine, but if she does...oh man oh man. And two, I figure, why not call in the "troops" and start praying for this mother like ugly on an ape! Regardless if this mother chooses us, she has a big decision ahead of her in the coming week or two. So, I urge you, throw up a prayer for her right now! I mean... put down the sandwich, burger, celery, pie or twinkie and say a quick prayer!! Okay, don't do it if you are driving. And STOP READING THIS BLOG if you are driving. I know, I know...it's SO amazing you just can't wait to read it, but if you must read it at least safely pull over. (haha, oh what a funny image that brings to mind. I highly doubt people flock to their computers to read my little blurbs)
So, now that I've given the commission to prayer for this mother, I must tell you a little about how it feels. I think, at least for me, it gives just a little glimpse of the joy and excitement that will come when we get that actual phone call to say we have a mother who has selected us. Just a small little taste of the joy that comes when I envision holding a pregnancy stick with a "+" on it. I've had a few people tell me not to get my hopes up. Well, the truth is, why not? I'll be disappointed if we don't get select, for sure, but that I get to ride this wave of emotion is spectacular! It's the first time that the emotional connection has really been made to this process. All along I have felt passion, but never deep-belly, tingle-toes joy like I did when I thought about the possibility of April 25th. So, this has been special for me. I know it may be fleeting and may just be a little blessing I get to experience for just a few days, but boy am I thankful.
A gal in my small group at church said last night that her son was asking about a friend of hers who they had prayed would have a baby and now she was going to have one and her son said, "Mommy, did you and daddy pray for a baby, too?" And she responded, "Yes, honey, of course we did." And her son says,"Did you get one?" And she says, "Yes, honey we did." And he says..."What's the baby's name?" Of course she laughed but as soon as she told him that the baby's name was his name he lit up like a Christmas tree. That idea of being wanted, desired and anticipated just can't be beat. So, all I want to say in closing is that little baby Ainley, wherever you are, you are wanted, desired and highly anticipated. We just cannot wait until the day we get to hold you for the first time. It's breathtaking thinking about it.
Thanks for tuning into my blather about all things adoption and other random oddities. Having so many of you talk with me in person about things I have written in my blog really fills my heart with joy. It makes me realize that I'm not alone and that there are people out there who care about this journey. I so appreciate all the love and support we have received. It is certainly not lost on me.
As a quick aside, speaking of people "out there", I was looking at my blog's information and I noticed that I have a few views from China and Australia. If that's you, thanks for tuning in!
Gooday Mates & 再见,
Ashley
PS - I cut my hair (thanks to inspiration from my friend Kymmi!)
An update is long overdue, but part of my hesitation is just that there isn't much to say. It would be dull to post weekly: "We're still waiting." So, today I bring some FUN and EXCITING news!
Since I knew a blog update was overdue, I fired off a, as my mom would say, "kick the can down the road" kind of email. I danced around the issue indecisively in my email, but what I really wanted to know was if our family book had been viewed by any mothers. The last time I checked in with her was in January and she had said 8-9 mothers were about ready to make their decision on a family. Of those 8-9 mothers, several of them have transitioned out of the program and have decided to parent their child, which is great news! I always have to celebrate when a mother decides to keep and love their child, even if that pushes out our "due date" further.
But beyond that, here was her response (get ready, because I was seriously so excited I nearly fell out of my chair with glee...yes, if you are wondering, my hopes are already up...so sue me)
From our rep at An Open Door (adoption agency):
"I just told a caseworker to show your book to birth mother expecting a baby girl on April 25th."
Wow. WOW! So, this blog has two-fold purpose. One purpose is to spread that tid-bit of fun news, keeping in mind that she could very well not choose us and that's completely fine, but if she does...oh man oh man. And two, I figure, why not call in the "troops" and start praying for this mother like ugly on an ape! Regardless if this mother chooses us, she has a big decision ahead of her in the coming week or two. So, I urge you, throw up a prayer for her right now! I mean... put down the sandwich, burger, celery, pie or twinkie and say a quick prayer!! Okay, don't do it if you are driving. And STOP READING THIS BLOG if you are driving. I know, I know...it's SO amazing you just can't wait to read it, but if you must read it at least safely pull over. (haha, oh what a funny image that brings to mind. I highly doubt people flock to their computers to read my little blurbs)
So, now that I've given the commission to prayer for this mother, I must tell you a little about how it feels. I think, at least for me, it gives just a little glimpse of the joy and excitement that will come when we get that actual phone call to say we have a mother who has selected us. Just a small little taste of the joy that comes when I envision holding a pregnancy stick with a "+" on it. I've had a few people tell me not to get my hopes up. Well, the truth is, why not? I'll be disappointed if we don't get select, for sure, but that I get to ride this wave of emotion is spectacular! It's the first time that the emotional connection has really been made to this process. All along I have felt passion, but never deep-belly, tingle-toes joy like I did when I thought about the possibility of April 25th. So, this has been special for me. I know it may be fleeting and may just be a little blessing I get to experience for just a few days, but boy am I thankful.
A gal in my small group at church said last night that her son was asking about a friend of hers who they had prayed would have a baby and now she was going to have one and her son said, "Mommy, did you and daddy pray for a baby, too?" And she responded, "Yes, honey, of course we did." And her son says,"Did you get one?" And she says, "Yes, honey we did." And he says..."What's the baby's name?" Of course she laughed but as soon as she told him that the baby's name was his name he lit up like a Christmas tree. That idea of being wanted, desired and anticipated just can't be beat. So, all I want to say in closing is that little baby Ainley, wherever you are, you are wanted, desired and highly anticipated. We just cannot wait until the day we get to hold you for the first time. It's breathtaking thinking about it.
Thanks for tuning into my blather about all things adoption and other random oddities. Having so many of you talk with me in person about things I have written in my blog really fills my heart with joy. It makes me realize that I'm not alone and that there are people out there who care about this journey. I so appreciate all the love and support we have received. It is certainly not lost on me.
As a quick aside, speaking of people "out there", I was looking at my blog's information and I noticed that I have a few views from China and Australia. If that's you, thanks for tuning in!
Gooday Mates & 再见,
Ashley
PS - I cut my hair (thanks to inspiration from my friend Kymmi!)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentines Day!
A little song I threw together to celebrate the day. Click to listen.
My Funny Valentine - Ashley Ainley
My Funny Valentine - Ashley Ainley
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Adoption - Day 182
Happy Winter! There's not much in lieu of holidays right now, so a generic "winter" will suffice.
Well, I'm happy to say we are officially on the Adoption Waiting List! Hooray for unnecessary capitalization and for being on the list! It is finally, completely, 100% out of our hands. It's up to that right mother to choose us. Well, we know that all along it's never been in our hands. We know that this whole thing was scripted long ago by God to play out exactly as it has been.
So, now's the hard part, I suppose. All we do is wait. But, I have been talking with our program supervisor and she has told me that there are 8-9 mothers (the number is a moving target, since more mothers join the program and some mothers decide not to adopt all the time) that are about ready to make their decision about a family. Now, we do have to keep in mind that we are 1 of about 30 waiting families, so we could very easily not be selected, too. But the crazy part is that if one of these mothers does select us, we could be parents as early as late March. Um, excuse me did you say March? As in 2011 March? Yes, yes I did. Holy toledo it's time to get a move on! I've got to get a crib, diapers, clothes, curtains, bottles, nursery stuff, baby shampoo, lotion, car seat, stroller, a name we like, a middle name we like, formula, insurance plan, a will, a work plan, a......a........a.........(me.... running for hills)
...20 minutes later.
Wow, okay those pretty hills I can see out my window sure are a lot farther away than I thought. And I realized a jacket might have been a good idea. So, I came back. Back to reality. Back to my senses. So, I guess having a baby means you have to be prepared. I get that. I was just telling a girlfriend the other day that truly, honestly, I have this supernatural peace that I cling to. I mean seriously cling to, like it's going out of style. (Aside: Peace going out of style, let's hope that never happens. Except those peace signs. They can go. I thought they did, but they creep up and sneak into "fashion" every now and again just to remind us that yes, yes, peace can be contorted into something terrible and ridiculous). This peace I have soothes me during those times where I feel so incapable, so unprepared, so inadequate. I have this peace that God showers over me and says that this whole thing was scripted long before I even knew we would be adopting. He's never going to give me more than I can handle and He will always walk beside us through this. Of course everything is going to be okay. If that means our baby wears grocery bags for diapers for the first week, so be it. Disclaimer: Don't worry you CPS folks, I have no intention of putting our infant in a grocery bag. I realize the hazard they are. Sheesh, oversensitive hooligans.
So, we are once again finding ourselves excited. We realize there is much to accomplish before baby comes, not the least of which is finances to pay for this ordeal, but we are trusting that God's going to provide. I've mentioned this before, but I had a friend ask me about it last week. Yes, if you would like to give (and this is my: There is no obligation whatsoever clause) to our adoption fund, you can do so by clicking on the link to the top right of my blog. It will take you to a Paypal account that deposits directly into the fund. No, not our personal vacation fund, it deposits into a bank account called "Itty Bitty Ainley" and the account will only be used for adoption expenses. If this is something you are considering, please know that we are very grateful!!! For those of you who prefer to simply read the blog and journey with us, please know that your presence (even in a distant cyberspacey way) is deeply felt and so appreciated. Your support has been felt by the two of us with every step.
Well, it's been lovely checking in, but there's a heckovalot of things to be done so I'd better scoot. Oh, by the way, I did finish up the painting portion of the nursery, thanks to both my wonderful hubby and my dad who helped with putting up a beautiful chair rail.
Adios!
Ashley
PS - Yes, I realize these aren't stellar. I'll try and take one during the daytime to give you a better idea. It's supposed to be a sky blue and latte tan color with off-white trim. It looks very boyish, but with a cute pastel pink it easily swings girl. Oh, and the closet doors are going away and that will become a built-in closet with cute curtains. I hate closet doors.
Well, I'm happy to say we are officially on the Adoption Waiting List! Hooray for unnecessary capitalization and for being on the list! It is finally, completely, 100% out of our hands. It's up to that right mother to choose us. Well, we know that all along it's never been in our hands. We know that this whole thing was scripted long ago by God to play out exactly as it has been.
So, now's the hard part, I suppose. All we do is wait. But, I have been talking with our program supervisor and she has told me that there are 8-9 mothers (the number is a moving target, since more mothers join the program and some mothers decide not to adopt all the time) that are about ready to make their decision about a family. Now, we do have to keep in mind that we are 1 of about 30 waiting families, so we could very easily not be selected, too. But the crazy part is that if one of these mothers does select us, we could be parents as early as late March. Um, excuse me did you say March? As in 2011 March? Yes, yes I did. Holy toledo it's time to get a move on! I've got to get a crib, diapers, clothes, curtains, bottles, nursery stuff, baby shampoo, lotion, car seat, stroller, a name we like, a middle name we like, formula, insurance plan, a will, a work plan, a......a........a.........(me.... running for hills)
...20 minutes later.
Wow, okay those pretty hills I can see out my window sure are a lot farther away than I thought. And I realized a jacket might have been a good idea. So, I came back. Back to reality. Back to my senses. So, I guess having a baby means you have to be prepared. I get that. I was just telling a girlfriend the other day that truly, honestly, I have this supernatural peace that I cling to. I mean seriously cling to, like it's going out of style. (Aside: Peace going out of style, let's hope that never happens. Except those peace signs. They can go. I thought they did, but they creep up and sneak into "fashion" every now and again just to remind us that yes, yes, peace can be contorted into something terrible and ridiculous). This peace I have soothes me during those times where I feel so incapable, so unprepared, so inadequate. I have this peace that God showers over me and says that this whole thing was scripted long before I even knew we would be adopting. He's never going to give me more than I can handle and He will always walk beside us through this. Of course everything is going to be okay. If that means our baby wears grocery bags for diapers for the first week, so be it. Disclaimer: Don't worry you CPS folks, I have no intention of putting our infant in a grocery bag. I realize the hazard they are. Sheesh, oversensitive hooligans.
So, we are once again finding ourselves excited. We realize there is much to accomplish before baby comes, not the least of which is finances to pay for this ordeal, but we are trusting that God's going to provide. I've mentioned this before, but I had a friend ask me about it last week. Yes, if you would like to give (and this is my: There is no obligation whatsoever clause) to our adoption fund, you can do so by clicking on the link to the top right of my blog. It will take you to a Paypal account that deposits directly into the fund. No, not our personal vacation fund, it deposits into a bank account called "Itty Bitty Ainley" and the account will only be used for adoption expenses. If this is something you are considering, please know that we are very grateful!!! For those of you who prefer to simply read the blog and journey with us, please know that your presence (even in a distant cyberspacey way) is deeply felt and so appreciated. Your support has been felt by the two of us with every step.
Well, it's been lovely checking in, but there's a heckovalot of things to be done so I'd better scoot. Oh, by the way, I did finish up the painting portion of the nursery, thanks to both my wonderful hubby and my dad who helped with putting up a beautiful chair rail.
Adios!
Ashley
PS - Yes, I realize these aren't stellar. I'll try and take one during the daytime to give you a better idea. It's supposed to be a sky blue and latte tan color with off-white trim. It looks very boyish, but with a cute pastel pink it easily swings girl. Oh, and the closet doors are going away and that will become a built-in closet with cute curtains. I hate closet doors.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Adoption - Day 160
It's a new year and now is the time to launch into those New Year's Resolutions we have all made commitments to. I've made some resolutions of my own:
1) Begin the HCG Diet Program (through my chiropractor/nutritionist) and stick to it
2) Get back to Body Gospel
3) Get down to my pre-wedding weight of 125 lbs. by my birthday (May 26)
4) Finish the nursery as much as possible before knowing the gender by the end of March
5) Bring home Baby Ainley!!! This is not really in my control, but here's hoping!
So, I've got some goals. I decided to focus on the positive side of not being pregnant during this adoption process. No bodily changes. No severe mood swings, which if you think about it might not be a positive thing considering I can't blame my regular non-pregnant irritability on anything logical. "I'm sorry I'm so moody, it's the adoption hormones. They are skyrocketing." I'm not sure Tim will buy that. So, there are some really great parts of not being pregnant and becoming a mom all in one and so... Carpe Diem! I'm going to go for it. I'm determined to get myself in tip top shape, so that when baby comes I will have already established good eating and fitness habits.
Here's an update on where we are at. We just finished up our family profile book just last night. I have one more photo to drop in and we are running the book by our adoption agency program coordinator to ensure the book is exactly as it should be. Then all we need to do is print out 20 copies of the book, bind them up and ship them off to Georgia and badabing! We are officially on the waiting list. This is the point at which I will become much better at answering my phone. All those who are close to me can attest to just how horrible I am about answering my phone. I have a strong hatred (and love) for technology, especially when it constantly interrupts my daily life. I swear I was born to live in the 1800s on a farm in the middle of nowhere.
I thought it might be fun to let you all see the family book we've created, so I've attached a PDF to this posting. It's a snapshot of our lives, without going into locational specifics. This is the book that the prospective mothers will look through when considering a home for their baby. So, needless to say... it's only the most important piece. This is why it took us much longer to complete than we had originally anticipated. We wanted to be absolutely certain that we were representing ourselves truthfully and openly.
Well, that's pretty much all for now. I'm very excited about 2011. I think there are big big things in store for our family and I am excited about sharing it all with you as we experience it.
Happy 2011!
Check out our family book here. Be sure to select "View as Two-Up" in your Adobe PDF viewer.
Ainley Adoption Family Book
1) Begin the HCG Diet Program (through my chiropractor/nutritionist) and stick to it
2) Get back to Body Gospel
3) Get down to my pre-wedding weight of 125 lbs. by my birthday (May 26)
4) Finish the nursery as much as possible before knowing the gender by the end of March
5) Bring home Baby Ainley!!! This is not really in my control, but here's hoping!
So, I've got some goals. I decided to focus on the positive side of not being pregnant during this adoption process. No bodily changes. No severe mood swings, which if you think about it might not be a positive thing considering I can't blame my regular non-pregnant irritability on anything logical. "I'm sorry I'm so moody, it's the adoption hormones. They are skyrocketing." I'm not sure Tim will buy that. So, there are some really great parts of not being pregnant and becoming a mom all in one and so... Carpe Diem! I'm going to go for it. I'm determined to get myself in tip top shape, so that when baby comes I will have already established good eating and fitness habits.
Here's an update on where we are at. We just finished up our family profile book just last night. I have one more photo to drop in and we are running the book by our adoption agency program coordinator to ensure the book is exactly as it should be. Then all we need to do is print out 20 copies of the book, bind them up and ship them off to Georgia and badabing! We are officially on the waiting list. This is the point at which I will become much better at answering my phone. All those who are close to me can attest to just how horrible I am about answering my phone. I have a strong hatred (and love) for technology, especially when it constantly interrupts my daily life. I swear I was born to live in the 1800s on a farm in the middle of nowhere.
I thought it might be fun to let you all see the family book we've created, so I've attached a PDF to this posting. It's a snapshot of our lives, without going into locational specifics. This is the book that the prospective mothers will look through when considering a home for their baby. So, needless to say... it's only the most important piece. This is why it took us much longer to complete than we had originally anticipated. We wanted to be absolutely certain that we were representing ourselves truthfully and openly.
Well, that's pretty much all for now. I'm very excited about 2011. I think there are big big things in store for our family and I am excited about sharing it all with you as we experience it.
Happy 2011!
Check out our family book here. Be sure to select "View as Two-Up" in your Adobe PDF viewer.
Ainley Adoption Family Book
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