Adoption - Day 10

We finished the first portion of our homestudy last night, which was the in-home visit. It wasn't anything like I expected, though my expectations were all over the place.

Thankfully, coming into the evening, I had the reassurance that Tim has a history with Mike–the social worker who conducted the interview. I figure anyone who knows Tim knows the tender and compassionate heart he has, which certainly bodes well for us in the acceptance process. But Mike knew nothing about me. What if opposites attract and Tim married some crazy heartless witch-like creature that he vowed to spend his life trying to soften and turn from her heartless, crazy ways?

So, I was a little anxious, you could say. I looked online to see what other prospective parents had experienced during this portion and the majority seemed to say this was going to be an intense evening.

It wasn't. We could have had my parents over for coffee and had a similar experience. Mike was gentle with us and, most of all, reassuring and encouraging. He didn't go around our home swiping his finger across every smooth surface and then jotting down notes furiously if any spec of dust wafted into the air. I suppose I shouldn't have gone all pillow-nazi on Tim when he didn't stack the pillows on the bed in perfect form. Sorry babe.

Mike just wanted to know about us, not about how well we cleaned or how close to perfect we would be as parents, but just who we are as individuals and as a couple. We told the story of our journey from graduating high school, to meeting each other, to where we are now. He then gave us some really sound advice on adoption and gave us an overview of what we can expect. He urged us to be patient. The process can be long and with plenty of false alarms to getting matched with a mother/baby.

One of the things I liked the best from what he said was that the birth mother is courageous for two reasons: 1) She has chosen to give this baby life, rather than abort the baby and 2) She has chosen to adopt her baby out, knowing her limitations could not provide the best life for the baby. I had never considered the birth mother being courageous before. I suppose I had always envisioned baby's being put up for adoption by mothers who didn't want their children. It was a brand new way to consider it and one that I have now, no pun intended, adopted as my own. It is courageous. And I have made a commitment to thank God every day that this mother out there somewhere is making that very courageous decision to keep our baby in her womb and give our baby over for adoption to eventually become part of our family. It moves me. I get all weepy just thinking about it.

So that I don't ramble on and on, I will sum up the experience to say that it was thoroughly enjoyable. At no point did I feel like I was in an FBI room being questioned about my intentions. It was comfortable and reassuring. It has now also made this feel very official. The paperwork itself was very official, but this was checking a seriously large step off the list and it is on the brink of setting in.

I'm thrilled. It's an understatement, but it's true. I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude that God planted this seed in my heart during the drought in my life over the past two years and little did I know that a drought is just what this little seed needed to become something grand, something altogether beautiful. I'm just beginning to envision my baby out there somewhere it is just plain wonderful and warming. It's a peace and love so deep in my soul, it permeates my whole body, into my bones. I'm ready to be a mother and I'm ever so grateful that I have been chosen for this moment and this time to become a mother to a little baby that may not even be conceived yet!

Thank you everyone who has reached out to me and given me words of encouragement and support. I cannot even begin to describe how loved and supported I feel. After two years of internal grieving, it is so absolutely wonderful to look around and see so many people cheering us on.

Before I sign off from this blog post, I wanted to post a little something for my baby-to-be out there. I'll want to show him or her this one day to show them just how much we yearned for just exactly them and how much we intend to adore them every day of their life.

...So, little baby Ainley, wherever you are, I want you to know you are loved. Loved so deeply that it makes us leap for some pretty serious joy. We can't wait to meet you and spend the rest of our lives learning everything about you. You're special and we know it. You are just right for us and we are counting the days until we hold you in our arms and tell you for the first time that you are ours, really ours. You are our little gift. We will tell you every day how wonderful and special you are and how much of a gift you are to our lives. We love you, little baby Ainley. And we always will.


So, thank you for reading, friends. And that's all for now. I need a tissue.

This is us, just before Mike arrived. We look excited or nervous. I can't tell.













A great passage I just came across.

Psalm 113

1 Praise the LORD. [a]
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.

2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.

3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.

5 Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,

6 who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?

7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;

8 he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.

9 He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.