Redeeming Love

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.


Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.

I just finished reading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. I know I'm probably the last soul on earth to discover this precious gem, but better late than never.

I have had a difficult time trying to put into words my review of such a masterpiece. Each time I try, my eyes well up with tears at such beauty. The story is the retelling of the book of Hosea from the Bible. Set in the gold-rush of California in the 1800s, the story begins with the tragic and horrifying reality that created the character Sarah/Angel/Tirzah/Mara/Amanda. Her childhood and early adulthood is filled with unspeakable torture and sinful wrath, utterly rotting her from the inside out.

Without spoiling the whole story, because it honestly deserves to be read, the story is one of ultimate redemption. Of reaching into darkness and bringing a rotting corpse of a soul back to radiant life. A story of the ultimate, incomparable redemption freely available to us all.

I was out in my garden weeding like crazy on Saturday and I stopped mid-pull, hunched over on my knees and sobbed. I came to a very significant realization. Part of the story touches on pregnancy and the pang of barrenness came rushing back inside me like a wave and knocked me off my feet. With all of the excitement and anticipation of the adoption process, I had naively believed the sadness in my heart from two fruitless years would be filled with a new longing. While I am overflowing with joy and I am, as I have noted before, thrilled about what is ahead, I continue to yearn for biological children. It's an equal longing I now have for my adopted children, but because of the indubitable nature of adoption, the uncertainty of whether I will ever be pregnant still haunts me.

The realization, as dirt-streaked tears fell from my face, was that I had blamed God for my pain, suffering and impatience. I had been angry with Him for my barrenness. As I was reading, I realized that I am His dearly beloved. Each time I am faced with a less-than-desirable circumstance, I turn and shake my fist at the sky like He is some unruly child holding a magnifying glass to me just waiting to burn me when I get excited about something. As I was reading the book I realized just how wrong I have been. I am loved so much that every time I shake my fist at Him, He just smiles down at me waiting for me to realize that He loves me and His timing is perfect.

I may not understand–I rarely do–but I have to look at the facts of my life. Has He ever let me down? No. Have I ever endured pain beyond what I could bear? No. Have I been so absurdly blessed even though what I really deserve is a swift kick in the rear? Yes.

I am happy and blessed and although that blessing doesn't include being pregnant at this time, or maybe ever, I will go on knowing that His love for me surpasses my understanding. All the pain I feel, He simply wants me to lay it down at His feet and walk away knowing that the Creator of all things, from the intangible air we breathe, to the warmth of a loving relationship, He cares and always knows what is best for me.

If you didn't read the hymn above, I really think you should. It's so wonderful and it speaks volumes to me about the depth of God's love. And it just so happens to be an important song to the book "Redeeming Love."